1. You old folks still get it on.
I learned my first German phrase (jetzt bücken Schatz, “bend over, darling”) as an innocent 10-year-old, only to be traumatized while discovering its meaning because the walls were too thin and the elderly couple from Hamburg was making the most of their honeymoon.
2. You’re always leaving shit behind.
Among my collection of unclaimed souvenirs are a sword, several single earrings, and Nikon binoculars that are probably worth more than what you paid for your flight to get here. We love it when you leave us spontaneous gifts; however, more often than not you’ll want them back, and sent overseas, at our expense. Under the bed, in every drawer, be nice, check twice. Please don’t forget your wooden dildo set next time.