1. Listening to the baptist preacher rant about a chainsaw-carved Jesus in a nearby nativity scene as your mom thumps the back of your head for slouching in the stiff pew, all so you can gorge yourself afterwards with a meat and three.
Because everyone knows the real food pyramid consists of one meat serving and three vegetable sides cooked, simmered, baked, and topped with French’s Fried Onions by little old church ladies. And yes, cornbread totally counts as a vegetable. And to those 80 year old women who eye your plate and ask if you’re eating for two — no, you’re just absurdly hungover.