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16 Things Only People Who Spend Winter in Arizona Understand

by Angela Orlando Feb 13, 2018

1. The struggle to find a new swimsuit for a December pool party is real.

2. Where are AC service technicians when your unit breaks down in February?

3. On the flip side, finding an RV repair shop is as easy as picking up a rock from the front lawn and throwing it. And if you need a new one, motorhomes are on Sale! Sale! Sale! (There’s nowhere to park it, though — all the RV park spots have been booked solid since 2008.)

4. No matter where you are within the state, skiing on fake snow is a relatively nearby option. So is canoeing on a fake lake.

5. No winter precipitation means:

  • No spring wildflower displays
  • The summer fires will be terrible next year
  • The desiccated reservoirs won’t provide water to put them out.

Apocalypse, anyone?

6. That one singular frost that annihilates your vegetable garden.

7. That one singular frost that makes you YouTube “how to scrape windshield with cactus.” Because who has one of those scrapey things in AZ?

8. Ancient snowbirds driving souped-up golf carts racing down the sidewalks, dentures and sun visors flapping in the breeze.

9. Ancient snowbirds driving a mile an hour in their K-cars with out-of-state plates.

10. Having to shave your legs and get pedicures year-round, ladies.

11. Something about this thing called “a white Christmas”?

12. Bikers everywhere.

13. Snake-free hikes! (Mostly.)

14. Scorpion-free bedding! (Mostly.)

15. Walmart and chain restaurants — all hiring!

16. Just another 76° cloudless day in heaven.

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