Photo: Amanda Wayne/Shutterstock

21 Signs It's Been Too Long Since You Left Alaska

Alaska Culture
by Kaitlin Armstrong Feb 20, 2018

Things work just a little differently in Alaska, and the longer you spend here, the more our strange ways will grow on you. We’ll all admit to being a little quirky, but once completely assimilated, you might go a little far off the deep end.

Here are a few signs it’s been a little too long since you left Alaska:

1. Smart wools have become your second skin, and you actually get excited about getting socks for Christmas.

2. It’s been so long since you’ve locked your door that you’ve lost your house key.

3. You look forward to catching new movies at the theater a month after they’ve been released.

4. You haven’t shaved your beard (or legs) since the turn of the century.

5. You don’t think twice about leaving your car running at the grocery store.

6. You count the amount of daylight you’ll have on any given winter day down to the minute.

7. You bust out shorts and a t-shirt at the first sign of 40-degree weather.

8. You’ve memorized the words to every song your local bands have ever written.

9. The first thing you do when you get the paper every week is flip to the police blotter.

10. You think the hour-and-a-half drive to your favorite fast food place is “a quick trip.”

11. On the rare occasion that you’re introduced to somebody new, you start naming off mutual acquaintances til you find someone you both know.

12. You think town laps are an acceptable Friday night activity.

13. You’re single AF because you know through experience that “the odds are good and the goods are odd.”

14. An Amazon Prime membership means you can get your packages in 12 days instead of 24.

15. You park your car in your driveway because the garage is overflowing with your toy collection.

16. You’ve taken to washing your vehicle no more than 3 times per year.

17. You’re used to choosing between sleeping in Sundays and catching your favorite football team play.

18. You refuse to take anything to the mechanic until you’ve jury-rigged the hell out of it.

19. You burn immediately upon exposure to sunshine.

20. There’s so much taxidermy in your basement that you’ve started gifting it to friends.

21. You’re not only convinced that Alaska should secede from the Union — you’ve got all the kinks worked out, too.

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