We Arizonans have some serious superpowers at our fingertips. These abilities were obtained from living life on a varied terrain, our Wild West history, our unsavory cast of political characters, and our predictably tough weather. Here are 10 skills people from Arizona have over everyone else in the US.
1. We can tell whether or not that snake is lethal from a mile or so away.
Truth be told, we give them all a wide berth. But we’re still standing, so we think that’s key to surviving in the Southwest.
2. We can decently pronounce pretty much all Spanish street names and towns.
Even though we have to admit we don’t know what most of them mean. Calle Chitalpa? Corte de Voleo? Anyone?
3. We can go through a 16-ounce container of body lotion in a day.
We’re well aware that our lizard elbows aren’t turning heads, so we try to keep them smooth and silky. And that requires a lot of product.
4. We are comfortable wearing too-short shorts in 30-degree, snowy weather.
And Pendleton wool flannels when it drops to about 80 degrees.
5. We can whip up a mean salsa.
In five minutes, using three or four ingredients from our garden, any one of us can whip up salsa hot enough to make out-of-towners reach for the water jug after one bite.
6. The strongest among us can withstand monsoon season using only a swamp cooler.
This, of course, depends on:
- Where we live
- Square footage of the dwelling
- Season length and intensity
- Absolute necessity
7. We can patch adobe.
With our hands. Blindfolded.
8. We can eat a Sonoran Dog without dropping the toppings on our lap or using a fork.
Unless we’re having a bad day and it’s well above 100 degrees out, not one single tomato will fall onto the styrofoam plate. We can sit back, drink our Mexican coke, listen to mariachi, and take a siesta while keeping everything tidy.
9. We can pick tiny cactus needles from a four-year-old kid’s butt using a magnifying glass and tweezers.
Or better yet, a comb, all while watching daytime television and filing our unemployment claim.
10. We learned to drive a four-wheel-drive vehicle and manually lock the hubs outside in the rain.
But we don’t know how to use the blinkers.