As an executive consultant, career expert, and author, I’m in the business of people. A generalization, sure, but the point is, I’m constantly engaging with men and women, executives and recent graduates, people from a diverse range of backgrounds. Inevitably, many conversations have a common thread: the feeling that something is missing, or just the inescapable sense of being lost. Not only is there this desire or curiosity for something more, but also the question of where to start.
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How an Ayahuasca Retreat in Peru Helped Reset My Perspective on Life
The truth is, humans have built an entire existence based on assumptions and beliefs established thousands of years ago, many of which no longer have relevance in this ever-evolving, modern world. So it’s no surprise we’re struggling to find the balance between humanity and technology, or that we’ve reached painful levels of political divisiveness, or that so many of us feel deeply disconnected from our lives and, simply put, just lost.
Psychedelics have seen a surge in popularity and increased research focus in recent years as a salve for these feelings and more. Studies on psilocybin from mushrooms show treatments can relieve depression, for example, while studies on ayahuasca have shown how it can help manage anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. On the travel front, people are increasingly taking trips around the world to experience traditional plant medicines the West has historically outlawed. A Booking.com survey on 2024 travel trend predictions found 14 percent of travelers are interested in psychedelic retreats. Writers from a range of publications, including the New York Times and Vogue, have looked into how the growing popularity of these retreats is changing wellness travel.
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As a man, husband, and father, my perspective is based on my own experiences. Traditional male gender roles teach us that we must be strong and provide, vulnerability implies weakness, and responsibilities or obligations to a job or family come before personal fulfillment or fun. These stereotypes can complicate our ability to understand, express, and pursue our feelings, passions, and desires. This dichotomy has always been a struggle for me, but I’ve recently found that without the fulfillment and fun, it’s nearly impossible to harness enough strength to consistently meet the growing list of obligations and responsibilities.
So how do we do it? How do we embrace change, tap into our emotions, and figure out our purpose in life? And, at the risk of being too philosophical, what’s the point of life really?
Take it or leave it, but from my perspective, our life’s purpose is to experience as much as possible in hopes of tapping into who we really are. Granted, my self-perception has been fluid at best over the years. I know I’m capable of great things, and I can clearly point to the people, places, and things I care most about. Still, I regularly hear myself offering myself, clients, family, and friends endless mantras or pep talks in an effort to find our “right track.”
But life is chaos theory. No mantras, logic, or desire is safe from the challenges and disruptions life throws our way. And whether it’s a global or societal trend, or even a passing comment from a perfect stranger, life’s challenges can call into question our own capabilities and beliefs.
Here’s the hard truth: Feeling “stuck” is an emotional experience, and in order to move forward, we have to give ourselves permission to seek out conversations, resources, or experiences that encourage vulnerability and discovery. And those might not always lead us down the most conventional paths.
My own search for the missing piece led me on an ayahuasca journey thousands of miles away from home. You read that right – no self-help seminars or support groups were going to cut it. I needed to be challenged in a way traditional methods couldn’t offer. From the moment I first heard about ayahuasca, I felt called to it, and was confident it would be the means to access things I had buried deep below the surface, ultimately preventing me from moving forward in my life.
It was important to enter this experience with a clearly defined intention, and for me, it was simple: where do I fit? Rarely in my life have I felt truly at home with myself, and because of that, everything else that matters to me in life has suffered, from success in my relationships to success in my career. My desperation to figure this out helped me stomach the unfamiliarity of each ayahuasca ceremony, and the term “unfamiliarity” is putting it mildly.
The experience was unexpected and unimaginable (if you’re looking for every minute detail from my visions to the purging, I made a podcast episode for that). My main takeaway? I need more love in my life – a loving approach to my work, my family, my friends, and my passions is exactly what has been missing. This is not to imply a lack of love in my life – quite the contrary, I’m surrounded by it – in this case the void is internal, and directly relates to my ability to recognize it, embrace it, and drive it myself.
For anyone particularly interested in an ayahuasca ceremony, I can’t recommend my specific experience enough. I spent a total of eight days at SpiritQuest Sanctuary in Iquitos, Peru. I traveled via Lima to Iquitos, where upon arrival, I, along with others in my group, was transported by boat down the Amazon River to the retreat.
To be clear, I don’t believe the path I took is for everyone. But my end result is an example of how sometimes the answers you’re looking for require a lot more time, effort, and even risk to uncover. And there is no doubt that it can feel overwhelming to set off in search of something in your life without having a clear sense of direction or a concrete understanding of what it is you’ll find, especially in a world that has evolved to produce countless barriers that stand in the way of our own sense of self. Traditional expectations, whether imposed on yourself or imposed by others, can hide your true nature, the core of what makes you tick, and ultimately the answers you may be desperately trying to find.
If everything around you is changing and you resist change, at some point it becomes a collision course. It wasn’t easy to hear myself preaching a message of connection, authenticity, and personal satisfaction to clients while knowing I wasn’t practicing the same in my own life. That made this glaring theme of love, the beating heart of my own search for answers, resonate even more.
Conceptually, love is big, wild, and uncomfortable. But since my trip, I’ve found that living in a place of love is so outrageously powerful. It changes who we are, who we attract, and how we interact. Simply practicing love in a new way has already proven effective – from how I interact with my kids and wife, to getting parking spaces on busy Manhattan streets.
Life is short. I’ve never been more aware of everything I wanted, and everything I lacked, than after returning to my everyday routine and work with clients. If nothing else, I hope the one message that I’m able to spread far and wide is this: searching for answers can be a deeply unsettling experience. The void we’re all feeling isn’t in our minds, it’s ingrained into our very being by the tendency to do what we “should” do and not a bit more, to avoid asking questions and just conform to what is expected of us.
But that clarity we seek requires discomfort, and courage, and maybe even some loss. However you choose to do so, don’t miss the opportunity to be certain that who you are is who you want to be. A self-help book, or an Amazon rainforest, might be just the ticket. Whatever your path of choice, take that first step. You won’t be sorry. I know I’m not. 