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11 Signs You've Been Away From Wisconsin Too Long

by Sarah Puckett Feb 11, 2019

Whether it’s been 10 months or 10 years since you’ve been in Wisconsin, you always cherish the Midwest’s best state. However, if you’ve been away for too long, you may experience some strange Wisconsin withdrawal symptoms. From trying out a vegetarian diet to feeling a little tipsy after one old fashioned, here are 11 signs you’ve been away from Wisconsin for too long.

1. It’s 40 degrees outside and you’re cold.

You used to consider this shorts weather, but now you’re wearing wool socks and your down parka just to get the mail.

2. You feel tipsy after one old fashioned.

Your brandy tolerance is nothing like it used to be. One drink has you feeling like you had two or three, and you actually hesitate before ordering your second one.

3. You’ve taken a liking to European beers.

It’s not your fault you can’t get Spotted Cow outside of Wisconsin and that the bar down the street only serves fancy brews like Stella and Carlsberg.

4. You can’t eat an order of fried anything on your own without feeling sick after.

You’ve also lost 10 pounds — these things may just be related.

5. No amount of mozzarella sticks have satisfied your cheese curd craving.

Let’s face it, a deep-fried cheese curd dipped in ranch is an irreplaceable combination of flavor and texture.

6. You’ve decided to try a vegetarian diet.

Whole Foods has to have a veg alternative to venison, right?

7. You think “getting skunked” means a furry woodland creature sprayed you.

You’re terrified of your next game of cribbage because you know you’ll shame your family’s name.

8. You see the word “brat” and you think of a snotty kid.

Even worse, you’ve settled for hot dogs at your summer cookouts.

9. You actually miss the days when it was too cold to go outside.

It’s harder to justify spending days on end curled up in front of the fire, watching movies, and ordering delivery when the climate is so darn mild.

10. New acquaintances no longer comment on your Midwest accent.

People no longer ask you where you’re from when they hear your voice, and you’ve even started using strange vernacular like “water fountain” and “stop lights.”

11. You throw out your green and gold sweater because you can’t think of an occasion where you’ll ever wear it.

Just kidding! It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been away, your green and gold gear is here to stay.

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