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1. Weeks it took to get your TEFL certification: 2 2. Weeks of training to teach English at your English Conversation School: 2 3. Schools taught at per week: 5 4. Hours worked a week: 29.5 5. Hours worked a week at your job back home for roughly the same pay: 40 6. Minutes you’re expected to arrive before a shift: 10-15 7. Punch-in time: 14:25 8. Delicious-smelling meters between school and a Coco Ichiban Curry House location: 50 9. Scheduled meal breaks: 0 10. Maximum number of children taught per day: 40 11. 3 year-old nose pickers: 2 12. 5 year-old toe suckers: 2 13. Exquisitely adorable toddlers who like to climb into your lap: 5 14. Students who steal your shoes: 2 15. Maximum number of reward stickers a student may earn during a lesson: 3 16. Times the Japanese word for “poo” is shouted in a single class: 35 17. Blinks of shock when you’re first told about “kancho” – a Japanese schoolchild “game” involving their pointed index fingers and someone’s backside: 5 18. Times fellow teachers are kancho’d before the blessed event happens to you: 5 19. Tries it takes for the child to hit the bullseye that is your unsuspecting backside: 2 20. Number of reward stickers you deduct for a kancho attack: 1 21. Times you have to tell your friends back home, “Kancho is real and it happened to me” before they believe you: 25 22. Maximum number of adults you teach per day: 16 23. College students who say rap inspired them to learn English: 5 24. Businessmen who think you’re a hostess: 1 25. Cool, collected homemakers whose exhausting schedules humble your 29.5 hour workweek to the point of shame: 5 26. Gorgeous grandmothers who surprise you with a fan with which to accessorize your yukata on Gion Matsuri: 1 27. Times you must remind your adult students: “’Go shopping’, not ‘Go to shopping”: 4 28. Times you must show a student how to make the “L” sound: 15 29. Photos taken with students who’ve passed a Level Up exam: 3 – yatta! 30. Students reached that day: 5, maybe 6 31. Punch-out time: 20:25 32.Yen spent on a plate of CocoIchiban curry rice three minutes after punching out: 700 33. Cans of beer enjoyed on the train home: 1

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