How To Escape An Undesirable Travel Mate

Ahhh…I had this problem once. Travelled with this bloke a while – he seemed a nice enough guy. Then he got into an argument in a bar.

The next thing I know..he pulled out a knife. Nice.

I manage to calm him down but still couldn’t shake him off for several legs of my trip.

Eventually I set off one morning, bright and early with no clear idea of where I was going..only away.

12 hours later I was on an island in the middle of nowhere, half a dozen new buddies made on the way. Beautiful.

If even you don’t know where you are going – they can’t follow you.

Nice post. Makes me feel nasty just thinking about it. I hate travel partners you don’t know before your travels (meet-on-the-road partners).

I wrote about this before on my blog. I suggest to play it safe and steer-clear from people who suggest to travel together. There usually is a reason why they’re alone.

I once met up with these two guys, a German and an American, in Portugal. The German guy had picked up the Yankee hitchhiking and had really had ENOUGH of him and was trying to ditch him. “It was okay at first,” he told me, “I really didn’t mind sharing my stuff with him. But when he asked me if he could borrow my TOOTHBRUSH…” Dunno how it ended because I took off early the next morning.

Swell post. Thanks.

This is a funny, and useful post. While I wasn’t a full fledged travel buddy, I did get a feel for the Ninja approach last year when I arrived in a Guatemalan town with a guy after hanging with him at Tikal. I thought was staying a third night in the same bunkroom, however I awoke on the second morning to find him gone like the wind.

I think the Ninja move is the way to go! People are in no mood to talk, even if they do wake up at 6am, as you try to leave.

ourman — wow, that’s definitely a case to ditch your travel mate…as a matter of personal safety.

timen — i think meeting people on the road is just like anywhere. best thing is to decide if they’re latent sociopaths or easy going enough that it won’t matter if you split ways now or later.

pam — yeah, toothbrush is asking too much.

dave — i like the ninja as well. quiet, calm, and no ugly confrontation…unless you get caught of course. (maybe just say you’re going to the bathroom?)

I’m far to lazy to use the ninja, but I have been known to employ the U-Turn on occasions. It’s usually best when you haven’t got much in the way of a set plan or route.

Ourman, can’t believe someone would pull a knife! I’ve never travelled with anyone that extreme, cheesy feet, yes, knife, no.

To be honest I find even the nicest people get on my nerves very quickly. Traveling on your own always seems to be a cycle of looking for company and then trying to ditch them.

It’s great to have someone to go for a beer with but the beautiful of lone traveling is making your own mind up about where you are going.

Sooner or later you just think f**k this…I’m off.

Never had to ditch anyone yet, but I’ve heard a lot of stories about annoying travel mates. Who’s to know when you’e being annoying and someone’s trying to ditch you? Anyway, good stuff!

I had this problem many times… It’s a real hassle, especially when you planned it for months.

Now I prefer to travel alone!

Great post I’ve used the “U-turn” to great effect on a “cool”, bandana-wearing oik I had the displeasure of offering a lift to (story here: http://www.yearinthelife.org/entry.php?id=326)

Never trust a backpacker with a bandana – it should be the first rule of traveling.

Likewise people who wear those ridiculous utility belts designed only to make Americans appear even larger around the waist to incredulous local people.

meeting annoying travel mates is just part of the whole deal, i reckon. plus they make for great travel stories later on…

a good way of getting rid of an annoying travel buddy is to go for a beer with him/her and then tell him/her all the ridiculous stories of former annoying travel mates.

just show them a mirror and a lot of them will suddenly not like you anymore that much and will take the first opportunity you give them to make their getaway.

it’s worked a few times before and if not, then i usually go for the ninja.

Hey Steve, I emailed you ages ago before I started my trip, about China. Loved reading your travel blog very inspiring. Any new travel plans in the pipeline?

I think it would be even worse if it wasn’t a travel mate that you met on the road, but one you had chosen from home…..for example you couldn’t really pull off the ninja…. well you could but it’d be pretty harsh!

Ah hello hello! Small world this intra-manet malarkey, isn’t it? Trust you had a great time on your travels. Your article really made me chuckle – gonna have to check out your own blog…

I ^always^ have travel plans :p Looking to take off on the Trans-Siberian, but probably not until October now… just in time for the -40 degrees C weather

Happy travels!

Trans Siberian? Cool…I had a look at getting the Beijing that way…but bottled it. I think I may be returning to China at some point. It’s funny how much more confidence you obtain after travelling for a while.

I found China pretty amazing, really looking forward to South America where I should be heading in about 6 months time.

The tactic you described as THE NINJA really works for me you can really get rid of a travel mate who is too lame to travel with.

I am going for the NINJA, problem being ive been travelling for 2 months with the same person from the UK, we booked our tickets together,,, But i cant take anymore of this, i need to run, So i am perpared to lose my ticket money and run staying in Asia

J

The ninja move is a good one. Just make sure your friend isn’t also reading BNT and gets wind of your attempt…

I never had to ditch a travel partner, but there are plenty of reasons for traveling alone in the first place. Unless someone is pulling a knife, blunt object or firearm, I think being straight up with them will prevent you from looking over your shoulder the rest of your trip.

All of this sounds very passive-aggressive. There is no excuse to go sneaking off in the middle of the night , or spin a web of lies, unless you truly fear for your safety. It’s also a mean prank unless someone has truly been a j*ck*ss and knows it’s probably coming.

The best thing to do when someone is getting on your nerves is to grow a pair and tell them, flat-out (not in front of anyone). Tell them exactly what they are doing that is bothering you, and exactly how long they have to shape up before you will continue to enjoy your trip, alone. Then follow-through.

It sounds like an ultimatum, but it is an opportunity for both. If you are so bothered by something that your partner is doing that it makes you want to steal away in the night, you should probably mention it. Sooner rather than later.

Chances are, they will learn that they have to respect you, and you might make a friend who doesn’t annoy you so much anymore.

If that fails or you truly are dealing with a ‘latent sociopath’ (I love that!), then the other stuff might be fun.

When the problem with the travel mate is that they are not adventurous and risk-loving enough, I think the best to do is to scare them away by saying “well, and now we have the real reason why I came here – to hunt wild tigers with a crossbow!” or something like that.

You’ve got to make it believable that you’re going to do the dangerous thing you say (hey, maybe you are!) and they’ll run away from you, no more action required.

It’s lovely to see the look on their faces. I went to the mountains in Sierra Nevada (Spain), and there’s this girl who is my friend at home but I just can’t stand her in the wild because she pretends she is all-adventurous but chickens out at the last minute and we end up doing nothing.

We were standing in front of this 25-meter tall straight wall of rock and she tried to climb a little unsuccessfully. She proclaimed: “It’s a shame we don’t have any rope. With a little rope, we could easily climb that!”. I said “Yeah” and excused myself to the bathroom.

I came back with a long rope I had in my backpack and told her: “Look what I found! Let’s do it!”. She turned really pale and said “Yes! But later. I’m hungry. Aren’t you hungry? I’ll go have a snack”. I didn’t see her again that weekend and enjoyed my trip very much.

I agree with Hayley,

it seems to be a choice between honesty and fun, and severe and boring principles seldomly stand a chance against the seductional power of just having fun. Sad, but hey.

I was travelling with a friend and met a coincidentally met a guy on the bus we had met at a hostel. There round the fireplace we had had a nice long conversation about the advantages of travelling alone and how we all hated travelling with someone you don’t feel really comfortable with.
Oddly enough, on the bus this lone wolf type asked us if he could join us to a destination he had been only shortly before, in a very careful and shy manner. We were puzzled, since we had gotten rid of a unnerving travel buddy just a week ago and since we all agreed so much at the hostel. But we agreed and had an extra friendly, fun and pieceful time with him til we flew home. Probably because we all had the same idea of what a good travelling buddy is about.

I’d just always go with honesty. I’ve never understood the concept of false friendliness. Combined with the Ninja, that’s just plain mean and cheap. I mean, if you choose to allow someone to be you’re travelling buddy and enjoy the upsides of it, be willing to pay the price and invest at leat 20 minutes of a fair goodbye.

Great post, honest!