1. You’ve acquired a whole new language to play with.
Words such as “eejit” which, let’s face it, is way more fun to say than “idiot.” But you don’t have to stop there — you can also call someone a tool or a gobshite.
2. Your 3-year-old starts swearing early on.
But instead of the odd word of profanity, he comes out with a full phrase as he screams, “Oh for feck sake” as he climbs into the toy car in the playground. As the mom, if you’re living in Ireland you’ll be grand, and if you live in a non-English-speaking country you can hope no one noticed or understood. But if you live in another English-speaking country, you’ll probably just have to perfect the act of pretending this child isn’t yours.
3. Last calls at the pub no longer mean “one for the road.”
Instead, you now know it means everyone buys everyone else a pint just before the bell rings so you have a line of drinks waiting for you and no longer need the bartender. Often the bartender will just end up joining the rest of you anyway and then you’re in “lock in,” which means you’ll be let out in the morning.
4. Visiting family doesn’t mean just mom, dad, and siblings.
But tea and biscuits with every aunt and uncle, as well as all 50+ cousins, over a full week. If you’re like me, you’ll still be struggling to wrap your ears around the accent and keep up with the slang, and end up drifting off into a daydream while overeating on cookies and cakes.
5. You’ll never again serve someone tea without having biscuits or cake or some kind of food on offer.
Tea equals food — it will be expected! You need to keep a good stock cupboard full of tea goodies, especially with the amount of relatives around every corner.
6. Even with the famous Irish hospitality, you know you’re a “blow in” and always will be.
At first this seemed mean, but you now know it also applies to someone from the next county over, which may only be a 30-minute drive away.
7. You understand that TAYTO are important and are the best crisp in the world.
Bar none and not up for discussion. This means if you move abroad, make sure you always have space in your suitcase for the TAYTO stash.
8. On the 17th of March for the rest of your days you’ll be surrounded by people wearing ridiculous amounts of green and loving the excuse to talk shite for a full day.
Don’t worry, though. Before long you’ll be looking forward to it yourself, and if you have kids you’ll be dressing them in ridiculous amounts of green, too.
9. You’re pretty sure there’s an Irish pub in every city in the world, and your husband can sniff them out.
In fact, if there are Gaelic games showing you could probably stick a blindfold on him and he’ll still find it. I won’t even get started on the Irish sports. There may not be another Irishman in the place, but it’s his responsibility to give the pub respectability by turning up.
10. You know the difference between waxy and floury potatoes, although you still don’t know why you need to.
But you’re also no longer surprised when your spaghetti bolognese comes with a choice of mashed, baked, or fried potatoes. You gotta love your spuds.
11. You believe there can’t be another nation in the world that has more slang than Ireland.
There’s actually a website all about Irish slang and it has an A-Z directory.
12. You’ve given up on romance.
After all, there’s no slang for that in Ireland, so it obviously isn’t that important and only exists in the imagination of foreign women. Let’s face it, though, you didn’t marry him for the romance. I may be biased, but I don’t think you can find a better husband than an Irishman, and you’ve married into one of the happiest, friendliest nations on the planet.
Ok now g’way wit cha.