1. Colombians don’t “joke around”…they “give a blowjob to a rooster.” (Están mamando gallo)

2. If Colombians are angry, they don’t merely “leave”…they “open themselves.” (Se abrió)

3. A Colombian doesn’t ask you what you want to do…he asks you, “how is the peanut?” (¿Cómo es el maní?)

4. A Colombian doesn’t “hook up” with someone…instead, they “eat them.” (Ella se lo comió)

5. Colombians don’t “hang out”…they “make a patch.” (Estamos parchando)

6. Colombians don’t say that they’re “friends”…they say that they’re “like fingernails and dirt.” (Son como uña y mugre)

7. A Colombian doesn’t “make a mistake”…they “shit it.” (La cagué)

8. Colombians don’t “put themselves in a position where they will be laughed at”…they just “give papaya.” (Está dando papaya)

9. Colombians don’t “flirt” with each other…they’d much rather “release the hounds” at them! (Él le echó los perros)

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10. Colombians like to pool money to pay for drinks and meals…when they do, they’re “making a cow.” (Hacemos una vaca)

11. Don’t be alarmed if a Colombian says that they want you to “stop their balls”…they just want you to pay attention to them. (¡Párame bolas!)

12. …but be a little alarmed if their “dwarf grew up”…that’s when you know a problem is getting out of hand. (¡Se nos creció el enano!)

13. Colombians don’t say “be careful”…they say, “put your batteries in.” (¡Ponte las pilas!)

14. A Colombian doesn’t say “how embarrassing”…they say, “what a bear!” (¡Qué oso!)

15. A Colombian doesn’t say, “that person is ugly”…they say, “that person’s uglier than a car seen from below.” (Es más feo que carro visto por debajo)

16. In Colombia, a misbehaving little boy isn’t a “brat”…he’s a “shit from an ass.” (Culicagao)

17. When Colombians are hungry, they’re actually “sharp.” (Tengo filo) If they’re really hungry, they’re so sharp that they could “cut themselves if they bend over!” (¡Tengo un filo que si me agacho me corto!)

18. Soccer is such a big part of Colombian culture, that when they die, they don’t just “die”…they “hang up their soccer shoes.” (Colgar los guayos.)