The ability to immediately spot and befriend any other Texan in the room.
It could be in Prague, New York, or Tokyo, wherever, and one Texan will instantly be able to locate any other Texan in the room. It might be the subtle draw of an accent or the distinctively square-toed boot on their foot, but whatever it is, it’ll be met with the twinkle of an eye and a strong handshake that all Texas mamas teach their kids.
The ability to one-up any other state.
Colorado has great snow skiing? Well Texas has incredible lakes for water skiing. California has In-N-Out? Well Texas has In-N-Out and Whataburger. New York has bagels? Texas has kolaches, which are so much better. Don’t even get us started on the BBQ.
The ability to tolerate extreme heat.
Be it a 110 degree afternoon in Laredo or a devilish jalapeño straight from hell. We won’t bat an eye.
The ability to be be southern but also reject the south.
Is Texas the South? Depends on who you ask and what the context is. A real Texan will give you every answer in the book. We like to be southern but mainly we’re Texan. We like Southern food, but we sure as hell won’t let the south claim Texas BBQ as Southern. We’re all about that Southern hospitality, but we’ll always claim the Texas Drawl over Southern Twang. At the end of the day Texas is just…Texas.
The ability to transform whole phrases into “words”.
Y’all’d’ve = You all would have
Can you use it in a sentence? “Y’all’d’ve done it, but the cops showed up.”
The ability to pretend to be our own nation.
There will always be a handful of Texans who like to throw around ideas of Texas succeeding from the union and how we’d have a larger economy than Australia. While that’s a Lone Star fantasy for some, there are some real ways Texas is living in its own little bubble. For one, Texas has its own pledge that many students recite every morning. Some of us were even required to sing the state song “Texas Our Texas.” All these things aside, the Pecan is our state tree, so that should give us the right to dictate how you say it…and it’s NOT pee-can.
The ability to…fly?
Okay, not technically, but with faster than normal speed limits (75 on the highway in most places and up to 85 in wayyyyy West Texas) we kind of can fly.
The ability to produce the best of the best.
You’re welcome for Buddy Holly, Waylon Jennings, The Dixie Chicks, Willie Nelson, Janis Joplin, Ciera, Beyoncé, Selena, Renée Zellweger, Matthew McConaughey, Ethan Hawke, Patrick Swayze, Tommy Lee Jones, Steve Martin, Tom Ford, Nolan Ryan, Sandra Day O’Conner, Carol Burnett, Dr. Pepper, handheld calculators, Whole Foods, silicone breast implants, Chili’s, and wait for it…the frozen margarita.
The ability to provide.
If you like your clothing, then you should probably thank a Texan, because our farmers produce more cotton than any other state in the nation. Same with oil. And Disney Channel stars (here’s looking at you Hilary Duff).
The ability to just not really give a shit about anything else.
Davy Crockett probably said it best: “You may all go to Hell, and I will go to Texas.”
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