Are you from (Dallas/Austin/Houston/San Antonio)?

It’s true, people are moving to urban centers at an alarmingly fast rate, but Texas is still a big freaking state. If every Texan you meet is from one of these cities, then you’re seriously missing out on some of the best that the Lone Star State has to offer. Not that these cities aren’t great, but what makes Texas really great is our diversity.

What is a chicken fried steak?

First, it’s actually beef, not chicken. Second, it’s the best damn food you’ll ever eat. It’s a chunk of Texas’ ultra tenderized beef breaded, fried, and covered in the purest cream gravy you’ll ever eat. At least if you have one at my mama’s house.

Do you have a gun?

No. I’ve never even shot a gun. My brother has like eight, though…is that what you wanted to hear?

Why are Texans all so proud of Texas?

It’s probably that we’re all just mindless worshipers of a one star flag. Or, it might just because we’re the state that is just happy with who we are and where we’re from. We’re proud to “Remember the Alamo,” drink ice cold Dublin Dr. Pepper, sing George Strait songs at the top of our lungs, and revel in our highly successful economy and generally lower cost of living.

Is Texas BBQ really that good?

Well theres a Texas BBQ joint in Tokyo, so I’d say it must be pretty good.

Are your parents farmers?

Actually no, but a ton of my friend’s parents are. Like most places, we have more jobs than just farming, we have ranchers, bankers, doctors, teachers, and one of my friend’s dad works for NASA, so we could call him a space farmer…I think?

Do you have a personal connection to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre?

Do you have a personal connection to Dumb and Dumber?

Have you ever been to a rodeo?

Yes, in fact, I’ve been to many. I’ve been to the Wild Hog Rodeo in Cotulla, where they wrestle wild hogs in the back of trucks. I’ve been to a ranch rodeo in the middle of nowhere that ended in a midnight dance. And I saw the Black Eyed Peas perform after the Bull Riding at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. So, yeah, this ain’t my first rodeo.

What is a ten gallon hat?

Good question. What the hell actually is a ten gallon hat? They say Texas women have big hair to hide their secrets, maybe these hats are for men to hide theirs, too?

Say something!

“Something.”
“No, say something else.”
“Something else.”
“I just want to hear your accent.”
“Naw.”

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