1. A Texan will eat kolaches like the world’s supply is running short, while a transplant will spend all his time trying to pronounce kolache. Soon enough, he’ll know to use exit 353 for the best roadside snack.
2. A transplant will stop eating once he’s full. A Texan will loosen his belt and add more fried okra to the plate, because everything is bigger in Texas…including ourselves.
3. A transplant will fly from Dallas to Houston. A Texan will drive, because it’s only five hours. Maybe seven, if you’re crazy enough to challenge Houston traffic.
4. We all have our nighttime rituals. A Texan will remember the Alamo. A transplant will remember to floss.
5. Transplants fly to the northeast in search of the state’s natural beauty and to watch some leaves slowly die. Most Texans can walk outside their door and see a beautiful field of bluebonnets come May.
6. There are football fans across the country fervently supporting their teams. Some of them will even brave crippling heat and freezing rain to watch a game live, but Texans have perfected the art of the tailgate party: watching the game, eating BBQ, and drinking beer from a makeshift tent city with heavy duty pickups. Transplants are more likely to watch football on Sundays from the comfort of their home.
7. A transplant might actually mistake this as the Texas state flag. A Texan will know better, and laugh in his face, asking if he celebrates any Chilean holidays.
8. A transplant will make the occasional run to Taco Bell, while a Texan will eat quality Mexican food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Once the transplant tries breakfast tacos in Austin, he will never go back to fast food.
9. A transplant, unaccustomed to the blaring sun, will stay inside with the AC cranked up during a hot July. A Texan will float the river with a six pack, laughing with his friends.
10. A Texan will rely on a trustworthy Whataburger. A transplant will go to McDonald’s for their junk food fix.
11. Any true Texan will know the six flags over Texas: Mexico, France, Spain, the Confederate States, the Republic of Texas, and the United States. A transplant will probably assume the theme park started in California.
12. A Texan will respect Chuck Norris. A transplant will do nothing, because he’s unconscious from a roundhouse kick to the head. Texans know underneath Chuck Norris’ beard there is no chin; there is only another fist.
13. During below freezing temperatures, transplants from the north or New England will dress properly, with layers and thermal attire. A Texan will wear a t-shirt and heavy coat with shorts.