1. She bought you booze when you were underage and going to parties so that she “knew what you were drinking.”
Yeah, little did she know it was to go with the 7 vodka shots, 2 litres of cider and questionable Tropical Mix you found in the cupboard.
2. When you were called by your middle name, you knew you were in serious trouble.
Usually because of the above.
3. Instead of a religion, you were brought up with a football team.
OOH AHH CANTONA SAY OOH AHH CANTONA!
4. Tea is the answer to all of your problems.
Whenever you fell out with your friends, got dumped or fell over and scratched your knee, tea was the answer when you walked in the door.
5. Nothing is ever clean enough.
Nothing. Especially when she comes to visit.
6. “Have you got a coat?”
Was the mantra you heard every time you left the house even if it was 33C outside.
7. Home videos never get old.
Of Christmas, birthdays, holidays and any time you didn’t have any clothes on. Reserved for when you introduce them to your new significant other. Eurgh.
8. You were never sick, you were ‘run down.’
Probably down to all those nights you spent underage drinking.
9. You are consistently kept up to date with “important” news from people you met once as a child and will never see again.
Allie’s getting married; Jon went to prison; and Sarah had an affair. Just so you know.
10. Roast dinner on Sundays were, and still are, your favourite winter pastime.
And you’ll be passing on your mum’s roastie recipe through the generations.
11. If she saw your name on the board in class, you’d be grounded for a week.
“NO! Mum you don’t need to go in and see my teacher. Let’s just go home and watch Land Before Time.”
12. The cat was, is, and will always be more important than you.
13. As a teenager, your things regularly went missing.
And you knew it was your mum deciding they weren’t appropriate for you, but she’ll never admit it, even 10 years later.