1. You make your kids drink milk out of a bag.
2. And you’ve fed them a beaver tail for dinner at least once.
3. Your kid can tell the difference between maple syrup and “maple-flavored” syrup from a mile away.
Canadian kids are raised on real Maple Syrup. It’s essentially its own food group. Your kid probably knows at least one family who taps the trees in their yard. Take your kids to any restaurant anywhere else in the world and watch in horror as they spit out their corn syrup drenched pancakes and demand to see a manager.
4. You freak out when your kids says they “smell burnt toast.”
5. Your kid has never seen a gun.
Not only has your kid never seen a real gun, they probably don’t have any fake ones to play with either. Your kids play cops and robbers with sticks and have no idea G.I. Joe action figures come with guns because you throw out the guns with the packing.
6. You only buy Halloween costumes that fit over a snowsuit.
7. You don’t let your kid watch TV in America.
Kids television in Canada doesn’t have any advertisements for things like toys or cereal. In fact, it doesn’t have any advertisements at all. You let your kids spend one day watching TV in America and now all you hear about it is how they want to order a Wubble Bubble Ball and try Captain Crunch.
8. Your kid doesn’t drink soda.
First of all, it’s pop. Not soda. Secondly, you’d never let your child drink it. Whenever they ask what it is, you quickly explain that there’s booze in it and order them a water.
9. But they’ve probably tried beer.
Remember those funny pictures of you sipping on a bottle of beer as a toddler? Sure, you would never do that now. But guess what, your crazy Canadian uncle still would and most likely has let your kid try some Molson Canadian while you were out buying organic milk.
10. You feed your kids Kinder Eggs when they’re being good.
11. You take your kid to the doctor at the first sign of illness.
Free healthcare has its benefits.
12. Your kid says “Eh?”
You might not notice it because you say “eh” all the time too. But take your kid out of Canada and watch as people giggle at their funny accent and the fact that they actually say “eh” at the end of a sentence to make it a question.
13. You’re raising a winter sports champion.
Your kid may be really good at other sports too but you wouldn’t know it because it’s winter at least half of the year in Canada. Your kid instead plays hockey year round and learned to skate at the same time they learned to walk.
14. Your family doesn’t acknowledge the Summer Olympics.
Why show them what your country isn’t so good at? Instead, your kids live and breathe the Winter Olympics. School, birthday parties, and other activities take a back seat to sitting on your couch for two weeks and listening to the Canadian anthem over and over again.
15. Your first travel priority is gluing Canadian flags to all of your kid’s belongings.
Planning a big trip to Europe? Better get to the Army Surplus Store for some iron-on Canadian Flags. People can spot your kid from a mile away while traveling because he’s the only one wearing the Canada hat, Canada t-shirt and carrying a bag with at least two Canadian flags on it.
You wouldn’t head out into the world without proclaiming you’re Canadian, so why should they?
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