1. You’d pay any (and I mean any) amount of money for three things: a plate of BBQ brisket with beans and potato salad, an order of chicken enchiladas with tomatillo sauce, or a donut smothered in maple syrup with bacon.
2. You’ve heard the rumors and all the complaints from your friends about the traffic in Austin. But you don’t care — stuck in a jam on Mopac while listening to KLBJ or 101X on the radio is the perfect opportunity to admire the wildflowers along the freeway.
3. You’re pretty sure the next time you see a Longhorn steer, you’re gonna cry.
4. You love going out to eat for breakfast, but perusing the menu painfully reminds you that breakfast tacos don’t exist where you now live. After that, nothing looks appetizing.
5. You’ve almost forgotten what queso tastes like. And that just ain’t right.
6. The sky can never be sunny enough, the temperature can never be hot enough and the grass is way too green for your taste.
7. You’ve been to eight different countries since the last time you were in Texas, but the only country you now want to see is Texas. And yes, you are well aware that Texas isn’t technically a country, but tell any Texan that and you’ve got a fight on your hands.
8. The people in bars suddenly look so homogeneous and uninteresting. You’d rather be in a place where guys with sleeve tattoos and nose rings often share rounds of Shiner with guys in business suits or cowboy hats.
9. You haven’t attended a proper festival in ages — the kind with food trucks, dirt for grass, and a misting tent, such as ACL or Eeyore’s Birthday.
10. You miss Texas Truck Month.
11. You’re beginning to reminisce fondly over all the obnoxious TV commercials and gigantic billboards proclaiming, very loudly, that their product is “THE BEST IN TEXAS!”
12. The words ‘howdy,’ ‘y’all,’ and ‘fixin’ to’ are music to your ears.
13. You’ve finally broken the habit of smiling and saying hi to everyone you pass on the street, but something just doesn’t feel right about it.
14. Another habit you’ve broken, but are excited about doing when you get back to Texas — waving to oncoming drivers. And them waving back.
15. You are dreading the 14-hour travel time to get back to Texas, but know that once you see the friendly faces and feel the warm hugs from your family and friends, it will all be worth it. Because you’ve just arrived at the greatest destination on Earth — home.
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