1. A Scot does not tell someone their “trousers don’t fit”…he asks “is the cat deid” (has the cat died. Meaning your trousers are too short and flying at half mast for your deceased pet)

2. A Scot won’t apologise for not paying attention…he’ll say “haud ma chips a’v dropped the wean.” (hold my chips, I’ve dropped my baby)

3. A Scot doesn’t tell you to be “quiet”…he tells you to “haud yer wheesht!”

4. A Scot won’t refer to a person as upset…he’ll say “like a dug lickin pish aff a nettle.” (Like a dog licking urine off a nettle)

5. A Scot won’t tell you he is hungry…he’ll say “I could eat the scabby heid aff a wean” (I could eat a child’s head covered in scabs)

6. A Scot doesn’t “give it his all”…he’ll “gie it laldy.”

7. Alternatively you might hear “gaun yersel!”

8. A Scot doesn’t “talk rubbish”…his “bum’s oot the windae.”

9. A Scot doesn’t say “I don’t believe you”…he’ll say “Aye right.”

10. Alternatively he might tell you “dinnae teach yer Granny tae suck eggs!” if you offer your advice.

11. A Scot won’t ask you where something is….he’ll say “furry boots?”

12. When something goes wrong a Scot will say “tatties o’wer the side.” (potatoes are over the side of the boat)

13. A Scot is not wasted….he’s “steamboats.”

14. Alternatively he’ll be “oot his tree,” “blootered,” “bladdered,” “minced,” “oot the game”….

15. A Scot is not unintelligent…he “canny tell his arse from his elbow.”

16. A Scot celebrates double-digit temperatures by shouting “Sun’s oot, Taps aff.” (the sun’s out, take your tops off)

17. A Scot is not lazy…he has “paralysis of the galluses.” (paralysis of the trousers)

18. A Scot doesn’t have “a boss”…he has a ” heid bummer.” (head bummer)