- We gave the world the gift of flight. You’re welcome, world. And back off, North Carolina.
- We gave the world Rock ‘n’ Roll. I mean, it started elsewhere, but we’re the ones who named it. Without us, you’d be calling it something like “boogie shake” instead.
- We get to choose who your President is. Like, every single time.
- We do football rivalries better than anyone.
- We gave the world Superman: Jerry Siegel and Joel Shuster, his creators, were from Cleveland.
- Our accent is the standard newscasters shoot for. We are the real voice of America.
- When the sea levels rise and the East Coast is underwater, guess who’s going to have the best lake and riverfront property?
- Oprah likes our ice cream the best.
- Our state has provided the nation with 7 of its Presidents. And one of them was the guy who won the Civil War. So we should really get credit for all of the South’s presidents, too.
- Texas gets all the credit for having the best football culture thanks to Friday Night Lights, but the college football National Championship speaks for itself. Also, what state is the Pro Football Hall of Fame in again?
- Most states read The Scarlet Letter in high school just to bore their students. We read it to justify the use of Scarlet Letter “party plates” for people convicted of DUIs.
- We invented cornhole. You’re welcome, drunk frat boys.
- We didn’t invent peanut butter and jelly or ham and cheese, but we did invent one of the world’s holiest unions: beer and canoeing. Cabrewing, for the uninitiated.
- We are the world’s most loyal professional sports fans. No contest. No one else puts up with as much suffering as we do.
- Other states use butter wrong. We know it’s meant to be used as a sculpting material. If only Michelangelo had been an Ohioan: he’d build a butter cow that could make you weep.
- We are the best in the country at the “if you love them, let them go” policy. It doesn’t matter where our most beloved sons go — whether it’s to the moon or to the Miami Heat — we know they’ll always come back.
- Literally everyone who is down on Ohio — calling it a “flyover state,” calling Cleveland the “mistake on the Lake,” etc. — changes their mind as soon as they visit and see how beautiful and mellow it is.
- We are the world capital of super-religious, slightly terrifying highway billboards. We also do giant butter statues of Jesus really well. Scary? Sure. But it makes a drive through what is often just miles of cornfields a bit of an adventure, when it might otherwise be a bore.
- We have an absurd amount of incredible colleges. Seriously: Ohio State, Oberlin, UC, Xavier, OU, Bowling Green, Kent State, Miami, Case Western, Kenyon, Wittenberg… these are all excellent schools, and all in a single, unassuming state.
- Our music scene is actually really solid. We’ve given the world The National, Kid Cudi, Walk the Moon, the Righteous Brothers, Dean Martin, Dave Grohl, the Black Keys, Trent Reznor, Kim Deal, and — wait for it — Bone Thugs-n-Harmony. Boom.
This article references the following sources from Matador:
- 37 things you’ll never hear an Ohioan say by Matt Hershberger
- How to piss off someone from Ohio by Matt Hershberger
- How to piss off someone from Clevelandby Joe Baur
- 15 signs you learned to drink in Ohio by Matt Hershberger
- 8 rites of passage all Ohio teenagers go through by Matt Hershberger
- 10 signs you were born and raised in Ohio by Matt Hershberger
- 10 signs you were born and raised in Columbus, Ohio by Caroline Davidson
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