1. You were popular in junior high because you had a swimming pool.
Even the kid who stole your lunch money left a friendly note and phone number in your yearbook right before summer break.
2. You have a plate-sized belt buckle.
You won it showing Brahmans in high school 4-H, and you’re proud of it.
3. You manhandled ribs in your wedding attire.
Barbecue is served at all celebrations. Christmas, Easter, birthdays and graduations are commemorated with beef, pork, and BBQ sauce.
4. And you’ve been to a neighborhood wild game feast.
You’ve eaten squirrel, coyote, and some other things you’d rather not mention.
5. Your feelings on road trips are complicated.
Childhood vacations involved a 300-mile drive to Meemaw’s house, and you never left the Lone Star State. You remember listening to your dad sing off key to twangy country music while fighting with your brother for space in the cramped backseat of the family Ford F-150.
6. You float the river as soon as temps reach the 90s.
You’re partial to either the Comal or the Guadalupe, and you’ve found ways around the ban on open containers.
7. You’re willing to drive 200 miles from Dallas to Austin to eat a stuffed avocado at Trudy’s and down the two-drink limit of Mexican martinis.
Tex Mex is the only Mexican food that exists. Quesadillas, chimichangas, soft tacos, and burritos — there are so many ways to enjoy cheese, meat, and tortillas.
8. You spent your 21st birthday having a power hour on Sixth Street.
You attempted to take 21 shots in the two hours between 12:01 and last call. You don’t remember anything after shot #12 and woke up the next afternoon with no shoes and a killer headache.
9. Friday nights were spent socializing at football games.
Rain or shine, everyone in town paid to watch your small 5A school lose every week.
10. You bring a corkscrew and bottle of wine to parties, and you’re definitely not sharing.
You’ve been to too many shindigs where the keg is filled with warm Natty Light.
11. You say “y’all”.
You left Texas a decade ago, but “y’all” is still the only acceptable word for the plural “you.” You’re not fazed when you get strange looks in other places.
12. A seafood dinner is fried catfish from the Trinity River.
Everything tastes better with batter, including those ugly bottom feeders.
13. You could recite a dozen Aggie jokes before you started elementary school.
Your first semester at Texas Tech, you learned a dozen more.
14. When you want ice cream, only Blue Bell will do.
No other vanilla tastes right on peach cobbler or cherry pie. Every summer you fill up your shopping cart at HEB with half-gallon tubs of your favorite seasonal flavor — the legendary banana pudding ice cream made with real Nilla wafers.
15. You’re shocked when you visit a state where you can buy a handle of Jose Cuervo on Sundays.
You’ve always had to plan a day ahead for homemade margaritas while you watch the football game.
16. You’ve never gone to New Orleans during Mardi Gras.
Who needs New Orleans when you’ve got Galveston?
17. You think sunscreen is a gimmick.
You maintain a base tan year round and are crispy by early May. After a year in the U.K., your European tan caused concern that you were deathly ill.
18. Your wardrobe consists of jeans, shorts, and t-shirts.
Your idea of dressing up is a button-up with jeans.
19. Chick-n-Minis are your go-to hangover cure.
You’ve lost count of the number of times you’ve arrived at the empty Chick-Fil-A drive thru. They’re missing out on the millions they would make from those of us recovering from Saturday night binges.
20. When you brought home a serious boyfriend, your dad threatened to take the guy out back if he broke your heart.
Daddy pulled out a collection of shotguns to prove his point.
21. You take impromptu family photos in the interstate median.
It’s not your fault that’s where the bluebonnets grow.
22. You’ve traveled the world but still think Texas is the greatest place on earth.
Because to a Texan it is.