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The 35 Things You'll Never Hear Someone From Texas Say

by Turner Wright Jun 22, 2016

1. “No thanks; I’m not in the mood for Tex­Mex tonight.”

2. “Just take a bus to El Paso; it’s not that far.”

3. “I don’t think this town has a Dairy Queen.”

4. “We’re supposed to get half an inch of snow. I guess schools will stay open tomorrow and everyone will have their tire chains ready.”

5. “Cooper’s just doesn’t cut it. I always go to North Carolina to get my BBQ.”

6. “It is my life’s ambition to move to Cleveland.”

7. “Who’s George Bush?”

8. “There’s a Planned Parenthood right over there. No one will bother you.”

9. “What do you mean I have to pay income tax?”

10. “This is my first rodeo.”

11. “Don’t worry, I’ll just knock on this stranger’s door in the middle of the night for help.”

12. “HEB? But I used protection.”

13. “Texas is great, but I prefer living on the east coast.”

14. “Traffic is pretty light today. I think I’ll just ride my horse.”

15. “Ben and Jerry’s is the best. I just can’t get behind Blue Bell.”

16. “No, I don’t think anyone in my family votes Republican.”

17. “I’m not really a football fan.”

18. “Chuck Norris isn’t that tough.”

19. “Let’s have an honest discussion about race.”

20. “Remember the Alabaster?”

21. “Wait… we used to be a country??”

22. “Pretty sure you can’t buy an assault rifle here.”

23. “Shiner Bock? A true Texan drinks Heineken.”

24. “HAHA! I hadn’t heard that redneck joke before.”

25. “I’m an American.”

(author’s note: while this may be true, we introduce ourselves as Texan)

26. “Eh, it’s just a hurricane. No reason to panic.”

27. “Wow, I’ve never seen a steak before.”

28. “What are the six flags over Texas?”

29. “You ended that sentence with a preposition!”

30. “I enjoy waking up and seeing the mountains crest over the horizon.”

31. “It’s been such a cold summer.”

32. “I messed with Texas, and was exiled accordingly.”

33. “Excuse me! That is NOT how you pronounce ‘you all!’”

34. “That is the smallest portion I’ve ever seen.”

35. “Oh, I’m strongly in favor of gun control.”

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