15 Signs You’ve Accidentally Become a Portlander
If you’re like me, you never meant to end up in Portland — but wound up here anyway. And over time (and perhaps, despite your best efforts) you may even find that you’re starting to drop your old habits, and pick up some organic, locally-grown, cruelty-free ones instead.
Here are some telltale signs that your Portlandification is complete:
1. You own a fixie bike (or three) but take TriMet anyway.
2. Any sign of a cat allergy you once had has completely disappeared… thanks to deep immersion therapy.
3. You’ve got your Chinook jargon pronunciation on lock.
4. You’ve developed feelings about water fluoridation.
5. You’ve definitely worn plaid to the Plaid.
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6. You’ve forgotten that umbrellas are a thing.
7.You’ve mastered the 3-letter beer acronyms: ABV, IBU, IPA, and PBR.
8. You’ve been to a strip club with no intention of seeing people take their clothes off.
9. You’ve hugged an old-growth Doug Fir.
10. Sunshine now elicits the same emotion in you as seeing your long-lost childhood friend.
11. You can name all 9 downtown bridges (and could probably draw them all from memory).
12. You’ve safely navigated at least one of the three (Sandy, Clackamas, Willamette) river floats while inebriated.
13. You know just how different the Oregon coast at Seaside is from the Oregon coast at Newport.
14. Your grocery list is divided into what you need to buy at Fred Meyer, Saturday Farmer’s Market, and New Seasons.
15. You’ve participated in the city-wide naked bike ride.
(feature: The Unipiper) 
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