How To Piss Off Someone From West Texas

1. Tell us how much you like the Dixie Chicks.

I dare you to go sing “Goodbye Earl” at a Lubbock karaoke bar. The rest of the world may have forgotten, but shockingly, a lot of West Texans are still “Not Ready to Make Nice.”

2. Tell us how ugly you think West Texas is.

Okay, we get it, the flat, brown fields of West Texas may not be as beautiful as wherever the hell you’re from, but it’s home and we love it. We don’t care that it’s barren and dusty. We don’t care that there are no snow-capped mountains. And we certainly don’t care about the lack of trees, because they’d only block our sunsets every night.

3. Assume we care how loud your truck is.

It’s a fact that everything is bigger in Texas, that usually means louder, too. I’m not sure why people are constantly trying to prove their truck is the loudest. There are a lot of trucks. There are a lot of loud trucks. We might be able to hear yours from Lubbock to Amarillo, but I promise, nobody actually cares.

4. Complain about the weather.

Today it’s 108 degrees, tomorrow it might snow, and no matter what, in West Texas, the wind is going to blow. The last few years the area has been faced with severe drought, torrential floods, and even a crippling blizzard. We don’t have the time or energy to complain about it. Us, West Texans, are resilient people, we cope, we deal, and we don’t have time to complain because we’re busy bracing for the next hit from mother nature.

5. Apologize when we tell you where we’re from.

Nothing pisses us off more than when we tell other Texans we’re from West Texas and they say “oh, I’m sorry.” Don’t dismiss us because of our location. Sure, we may not be big like Dallas or as hip as Austin, but I promise that if we didn’t exist, you’d miss us. Without West Texas you wouldn’t have Buddy Holly or Waylon Jennings, Route 66 would have a gapping hole, and you’d miss the products our “ugly fields” grow for the world.

6. Argue that your football team is better.

It doesn’t matter if we’re talking 6-man high school football, college, or the NFL, just don’t bring it up. Trying to argue about football teams with a West Texan is like trying to argue with a brick wall. My team may not have won a game in 6 seasons, but I promise they’re better.

7. Try to talk politics.

West Texas is a conservative place­, (and I mean CONSERVATIVE), so the best way to rile up a West Texan is to share what you think about Washington. We’re a hardheaded, stubborn people, and if you play with fire you might just get burned.