Forget your haircut, the clothes you’re wearing, and your body language; believe it or not, your bartender can tell everything about you by what you order at the bar. Here is what your drink order says about you (according to your bartender):
Goose & Cranberry (or Red Bull): You don’t know what you’re doing.
Whiskey, neat: You’re hot.
Jäger Bombs: If you are a male, you miss your frat boys. If you are a female, you have low self-esteem that can only be appeased by sex with a stranger.
Old-Fashioned: You recognize the value in hard work, and hold the reward for that hard work in high regard.
Bailey’s on the rocks: You still live at home with your parents.
Moscato: You’re just ordering this ‘cause you heard it in a Drake song (p.s. it is a sweet Italian wine).
Bacardi 151 for friends: You’re a dick.
Bacardi 151 for yourself: There’s something wrong with you.
Demand something free: You are with a group of squealing girls wearing tiaras and/or matching shirts and will tip poorly (if at all).
Long Island Iced Tea: Your ID is fake and you are here to get white-girl wasted.
Apple-Tini: You hate the taste of alcohol.
Whatever’s cheap: (In my head: you!). This is an sign that you won’t be tipping either.
Jameson: You know what you’re doing.
Cosmopolitan: You’re aging, lack imagination, and have watched too much SATC.
White Russian: You have never worked in a bar before, so you have a fool-hearted confidence that the milk in the cooler is not expired.