You Know You're in Mexico City When...

1. You’re usually woken up by a tune that goes like “Se compran colchones, tambores, refrigeradores, estufas, lavadoras, microondas o algo de fierro viejo que vendaaaaaa.”
2. You step out of the bus to find a stall of tortas de tamal… and the tamal is deep fried.
3. You find the representatives of the 400 pueblos all naked in some public plaza.
4. You order your taco with or without copy.
5. You find that guy who just got out of jail and now he’s here to ask for a little cooperation, for some coin that doesn’t affect your economy, because he would really hate to be forced to mug you in a dark alley… so please give him a little money.
6. Peddlers in the public transport call you little-lady-gentleman (damita-caballero).
7. You hear a street organ somewhere.
8. There are more San Juditas figures than people on the metro.
9. The same pedestrian has outrun the taxi you’re riding a few times.
10. After a day in the streets, you blow your nose and the tissue turns black.
11. Having change is a civic duty… especially early in the morning.
12. You finish a cascarita with gol de oro and no matter what, you pamper your efforts with a caguama in a bag.
13. There’s a guy selling chito among some other snacks… and you don’t really know what to think about that.
14. A traffic jam turns into a market and the first stall to appear sells gorditas de nata.
15. Every single day, High Quality Products releases a novelty item, a trendy item, that’s also a cute little detail for your girl or your boy.
16. No matter the tone of your skin or the color of your hair, you’ll be referred as güero or güerita by every single vendor.
17. The avenues have more than two white lines indicating each lane… choose wisely.
18. Everything you eat on the street has onion, cilantro, or parsley.
19. Every stranger you cross words with will call you “amigo.”
20. Every city fountain is a water park waiting to happen.
21. You can feel a strong hatred against viene-vienes.
22. Taquerias are ubiquitous and they come in all kinds of presentations, from the gourmet fancy ones to the corner stall that sells cochi tacos.
23. You’re asked if you want cheese with your quesadilla .
24. There’s a street bump that every single local knows and fears.
25. The camote cart scares the shit out of you.
26. In less than 200 meters, you’ve walked past a couple palaces, some museums, a nice park, and at least ten torta stalls.
27. You find someone selling chilaquiles tortas and your heart fills with joy.
28. The sky is sometimes blue and sometimes white, and this has nothing to do with clouds.
29. You see walls painted with vibrant colors announcing the upcoming sonidero event where the main showdown will be between Sonido La Changa and the almighty Patrick Miller.
30. There is a speed bump so evil, that some wise guy opened a tyre shop in front of it. The shop is called El Tope.
31. You see a sign announcing ultramarines… and you know precisely what that means.
32. Your esquites come with chicken legs.
33. You have to stop your conversation briefly because a plane is passing by.
34. There are Iron Man and Hello Kitty themed taxis.
35. The guy driving the car next to yours is reading a novel or catching up on paperwork.
36. You find Michelangelo’s David in a park.
37. You find a street full of cosplayers that want you to get a picture with them.
38. A Day of the Dead altar is erected with the help of cranes and scaffolds.
39. You’re late to work because the metro was flooded.
40. You find a policeman riding a horse dressed as a charro.
41. Every massive event has a high incidence of that canned foam spray shit.
42. Every single bus driver thinks his unit is “Edition Special.”
43. The mountains around you disappear and reappear depending of the day.
44. The floor starts moving and you don’t know if it’s an earthquake or just the garbage truck… and you don’t really care.
45. Somewhere in the distance, you hear the subtle voice of a man calling “Súbale, súbale, lleva lugar, súbale, se va, metro Zapata, Insurgentes, Mixcoac, súbale…”