A normal friend will scour the internet sites for tickets to their home state’s NFL games.
A Wisconsin friend will be a shareholder-owner of the Packers, and will either own season tickets themselves (that they received after being wait-listed since their en-utero days), or will know someone with tickets. Of course, even then, the tickets will only become available if it’s too cold, (not below -20 degrees Fahrenheit) and it’s not a playoff game.
A normal friend will layer themselves in winter gear until they bear a striking resemblance to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters.
A Wisconsin friend will throw on one of their many pairs of Carhartt bibs, a fur aviator hat and have constructed five different snowmen by the time your normal friend has dressed and lumbered their way outside.
A normal friend will look for a drink from a water fountain.
A Wisconsin friend quenches their thirst from a bubbler.
A normal friend might hear “Booyah!” and think someone is competitively getting in their face.
A Wisconsin friend will hear “Booyah”, and their mouth will begin to salivate for the thick, flavorful stew that they’ve enjoyed at countless “Booyahs” throughout their lifetime.
A normal friend might be available between the months of September and January with a little bit of notice.
A Wisconsin friend will officially sign off from their social life in September and take their place in the woods, claiming it’s time to “take care of the state’s deer population problem.”
(Unless of course, that Wisconsin friend is a non-hunting partner to the woods-person. In that case, they are consistently and readily available almost anytime between the months of September-January!)
A normal friend might keep their eyes open for good concerts throughout the year, and be forced to budget to pay for the tickets and travel.
A Wisconsin friend knows that the World’s Largest Musical Festival comes to their front door every summer. And for the reasonable price of admission, they can enter and enjoy many of the biggest names in music on 75 acres of beautiful, Milwaukee lakefront property.
A normal friend will come and help you change your tire in an emergency.
A Wisconsin friend will come and change your tire. They will also bring a 12-pack of your favorite fermented beverage to enjoy while they customize your wheels with a lift kit.
A normal friend will drive off of a frozen lake as fast as heavenly possible if they begin to hear the ice crack. They actually might wonder why in the hell anyone told them to drive on a frozen lake to begin with.
A Wisconsin friend will tell you to back it up four feet, drill a new fishing hole, and it’ll be fine.
If a normal friend spots an NFL player in public, they will scramble to find the nearest jersey, return and nervously request an autograph.
If a Wisconsin friend sees an NFL player in public, they’ll give them a fist bump, comment on their play the week before, and tell them they look forward to seeing them back at church when the season’s over.
A normal friend might ask you if you’re okay after hitting a deer with your car. They might suggest you get checked out at the hospital, and encourage you to use your “brights” when driving at night.
A Wisconsin friend will ask you if the deer is salvageable for its meat, and if it had a nice rack. (Of antlers, of course).
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