If you’re still undecided as to whether or not you should pack up and move to Arizona, a little background information about the amazing locals will sure help you make a decision — soon you’ll not only want to live in this great state, but you’ll want to be a full-fledged Arizonan. Here are 10 superpowers only they have.
1. Super gastro immunity
We mix chiltepins and mezcal on the daily.
2. X-ray-level vision
We can see tan rattlesnakes under rocks when visitors don’t even see the rocks. Some people have spidey sense; we have snakey sense.
3. Supernatural healing powers
We can get a crystal/spiral/tarot reading, consult a shaman, enjoy a sage smudging, partake in a sweat, visit a native herbalist curandera, get chakra reiki and mantra cupping, and enjoy a vortex massage — all in one town.
We can ski on 10,000-foot mountains and sled on the sands of Sonoran Desert dunes — both within a few hours’ drive.
5. Time travel
We go from 5,000-year-old archaeological sites, hit a historic shootout reenactment, and then hole up in a futuristic self-contained habitat within the same day.
We can tell when a monsoon is coming by the scent of creosote in the electrified air.
7. Evasive agility
We can slither deftly through a jumping cholla forest without running into a snag or a barb. It only takes one experience with the comb and tweezers to become a pro.
At least, we drive like we’re invisible, running red lights and slamming into floods and potholes while assuming other drivers will slide right through our SUV.
9. Night vision
Our secret way to see using only starlight is by enforcing laws against light pollution.
It’s as if half the people in the state just keep getting older and older and older…