Photo: Vlad Teodor/Shutterstock

10 Superpowers Only Arizonans Have

by Angela Orlando Mar 28, 2018

If you’re still undecided as to whether or not you should pack up and move to Arizona, a little background information about the amazing locals will sure help you make a decision — soon you’ll not only want to live in this great state, but you’ll want to be a full-fledged Arizonan. Here are 10 superpowers only they have.

1. Super gastro immunity

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We mix chiltepins and mezcal on the daily.

2. X-ray-level vision

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We can see tan rattlesnakes under rocks when visitors don’t even see the rocks. Some people have spidey sense; we have snakey sense.

3. Supernatural healing powers

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We can get a crystal/spiral/tarot reading, consult a shaman, enjoy a sage smudging, partake in a sweat, visit a native herbalist curandera, get chakra reiki and mantra cupping, and enjoy a vortex massage — all in one town.

4. Teleportation

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We can ski on 10,000-foot mountains and sled on the sands of Sonoran Desert dunes — both within a few hours’ drive.

5. Time travel

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We go from 5,000-year-old archaeological sites, hit a historic shootout reenactment, and then hole up in a futuristic self-contained habitat within the same day.

6. Precognition

We can tell when a monsoon is coming by the scent of creosote in the electrified air.

7. Evasive agility

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We can slither deftly through a jumping cholla forest without running into a snag or a barb. It only takes one experience with the comb and tweezers to become a pro.

8. Invisibility

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At least, we drive like we’re invisible, running red lights and slamming into floods and potholes while assuming other drivers will slide right through our SUV.

9. Night vision

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Our secret way to see using only starlight is by enforcing laws against light pollution.

10. Immortality

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It’s as if half the people in the state just keep getting older and older and older…

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