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10 Superpowers Every Wisconsinite Has

by Katie Hinkfuss May 9, 2018

Wisconsin may not be the first place people think of when mentioning the birthplace of superheroes, but that doesn’t mean its residents don’t have unique state-inspired superpowers. While some of our powers may be unconventional, we won’t let our confidence be ruffled. We know they are a key part of our unique identity. Here are 10 superpowers every Wisconsinite has.

1. The unshakeable belief that the Packers are Number 1.

It doesn’t matter what our record was last year or if our season got off to a rough start. Our level of hope and commitment is not only impressively unbreakable, it also leads us to believe season after season that this year the Lombardi trophy is coming home again.

2. Consuming extraordinary amounts of cheese.

One drawer of our fridges is reserved for just cheese and it usually overflows. This superpower also extends to being able to distinguish among different types of cheddar — we could point out a young cheddar from an aged in our sleep, and maybe even throw the approximate age difference out there.

3. Finding magical places not visible on any map.

Somewhere North of Green Bay but south of the UP, there exists a magical world known as “Up North.” It is full of thirst-quenching beer and epic sunsets. Don’t even try to find this place on the map though — you have to be a Wisconsinite to know exactly where it is.

4. Pouring a beer with the perfect amount of foam and no overflow.

Our roots are firmly planted in the heritage of beer brewers and beer drinkers. We know our way around a keg from a young age and we can pour a perfect beer with precision. You’ll never see any of us spilling this precious liquid gold.

5. Tailgating in any weather.

We don’t really care how hot or cold it is, we just want to grill some brats, drink some beer, and cheer on our teams. The setting may vary from Green Bay’s luckiest residents’ driveways to under Milwaukee’s I-94 freeway and anything in between, but a little snow, extreme heat, or even hail never gets in our way of this glorious celebration leading up to the big game.

6. The ability to maintain our confidence despite all the haters.

They say happy cows come from California, mix Milwaukee up with Minnesota, and even call us “Flyover country.” We don’t let it get to us. If everyone knew how great Wisconsin is then everyone would want to live here. So we know the misconceptions may not be such a bad thing after all.

7. Making a rattlesnake shake its tail at the Milwaukee Public Museum.

This may sound like a dangerous and foolish feat but we assure you it is perfectly safe and in no way involves animal cruelty. In fact, we are so talented we don’t have to go anywhere near the snake to make it happen. This trick also doesn’t get old with age, take an out-of-towner to the museum and watch them be amazed.

8. The ability to adapt our wardrobe no matter how extreme the weather.

Our closets and budgets are no larger than those of your average American so it is quite impressive that we always seem to be prepared no matter how cold or hot it may be outside. We also display a remarkable range of motion for wearing as many layers of clothing, gloves, scarves, snow boots, etc. as is required for most of the year.

9. Detecting people from the Windy City.

Whether they are running over our ski tips at the bottom of the hill, floored at how fast you can get from downtown Milwaukee to the airport, causing backups at the water slides at Wisconsin Dells, or whining about Rodgers (again), we could pick them out from a mile away.

10. Swimming in abnormally cold water.

Whether plunging into Lake Michigan on New Years Day or cannonballing into Lake Superior in mid-June, we have the ability to convince ourselves that the water feels “refreshing” and that our lips are always that certain tint of blue. Laps anyone?

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