Photo: Tim Roberts Photography/Shutterstock

13 Superpowers You Have if You're From New Mexico

New Mexico
by Zoe Baillargeon Apr 2, 2018

It takes a special type of person to live in New Mexico. It’s hot and dry, the weather is all over the place, no one seems to know how to drive correctly, and we habitually eat food that is so spicy that it terrifies visitors from out of town. We’re just made that way (or who knows, maybe we came from another planet; there are lots of UFO sightings around.) But if we do come from beyond the stars, it would explain these 13 superpowers we all have that tie us to our new home.

1. The ability to eat extremely spicy food at almost every meal and never break a sweat.

Yeah, we’re badass, but it’s also a necessity. Our tongue barely registers mild or medium spicy levels anymore; we need the smoky fire of the highest level of chile that particular establishment has to offer in order to feel alive.

2. Surviving juniper season.

True, cold season sucks, but juniper season is its own special level of hell. Alternating runny and stuffy noses, watery eyes, throat as dry as the desert around us. But we carry on. We endure. No big deal, we got stuff to do. Just give us a giant bowl of green chile stew to get us through it.

3. Surviving peeling and chopping our freshly roasted green chile.

There is no pain like the pain of chile juice in all those little cuts in your hands that you didn’t know you had, but the scent and the knowledge that you’ll have delicious roasted chile ready for a year’s worth of stews, tamales, burritos, enchiladas, and more makes the pain so worth it.

4. Never being on time for anything.

It’s the Land of Manana, what else do you expect? We’d be late to our own wedding.

5. Extreme patience with every horrible New Mexican driver.

Our fellow New Mexicans are the undoubtedly the worst drivers on Earth. They run red lights, they go way too fast, they swerve in traffic, they honk aggressively, and the turn signal is a foreign concept. So it really is a superpower that we don’t succumb to road rage every time we get behind the wheel.

6. Yet somehow still believing that we are the only good drivers in a sea of bad ones.

We can’t all be the exception to the rule. And yet each of us believes that we are the sole hand of sanity behind the wheel. (So let’s just call it Super-Denial.)

7. Willing it to rain by washing our cars.

Been a dry summer? Just wash the car! Works every time.

8. The ability to know Hatch chile from all the other wannabe chiles.

We are like sommeliers of chile. We can instantly discern the good from the bad. And we know that Hatch chiles are the best, and we won’t give others the time of day. Especially Colorado chile.

9. Never trusting the weatherman.

New Mexican weather can turn on a dime. One minute it’s raining, the next it’s sunny. That’s why we never trust the weatherman, because a) they’re probably wrong, and b) even if they are right, the weather will change in like 10 minutes.

10. Sunset appreciation.

New Mexico has the best sunsets. Hands down. The rest of the world needs to accept it. Since Day 1, we’ve been going out on the porch at sunset to take in those colors, to “ohhh” and “ahhh”, and it never gets old. It never stops being beautiful or captivating us.

11. Actually being able to pull off wearing insane amounts of turquoise jewelry and cowboy apparel.

The tourists wish they could look as good in these outfits as we do. We rarely wear such outfits, but when we do… damn.

12. Being able to put up with people thinking that New Mexico is a part of Mexico.

*clenches fists, breathes in and out slowly, and goes to a happy place, aka favorite burrito stand*

13. Surviving alien abductions.

Just par for the course, really.

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