Sorry, tourists: sometimes you stick out like a sore thumb here. New Mexicans have lots of preferences (“lots of green chile for me!”), mannerisms, and slang (“It’s all sick, huh!”) that we can recognize in each other from a mile away, but it also means that when you make a beeline for the turquoise jewelry, don’t want green chile on your burrito, or do or don’t do any of these twenty things, we know you’re an out of towner.
1. A local will never order their chile on the side. An outsider will “in case it’s too hot.”
2. An outsider will ask for the mildest chile. A local goes hottest or goes home.
3. An outsider only wants to try “Christmas.” A local has a beloved and infallible chile preference (okay, we have a lot of particulars when it comes to our beloved chile).
4. An outsider will get excited when they see the signs for Las Vegas. A local knows that they mean Las Vegas, New Mexico and that they’re in for a real disappointment.
5. A local will never use their turn signal.
6. A local knows that the true PizzaGate took place way before the 2016 election cycle, at the Eldorado Hotel in Santa Fe.
7. A local would never make the mistake of asking if New Mexico is a part of Mexico. Outsiders do all the time.
8. An outsider doesn’t understand the sheer misery of juniper season. A local grimly awaits their watery-eyed miserable fate year in and year out.
9. An outsider will never know the joy of going to Zozobra every year while growing up.
10. A local will always have a bone to pick with Anthony Bourdain over how he treated our Frito Pies.
11. A local never knows who goes first at a four-way stop. An outsider presumably does know this basic rule of driving.
12. A local knows never to trust the weather forecast.
13. An outsider will ask way too many questions about “Breaking Bad.”
14. An outsider never knows how to properly pronounce Pojoaque.
15. An outsider will call it the Land of Enchantment. A local will call it the Land of Entrapment.
16. An outsider doesn’t know what Tamalewood is.
17. An outsider will comment on how high Santa Fe is. A local is used to it.
18. An outsider calls them Albuquerque and Santa Fe. A local calls them Duke City or ABQ, and the Fe or Fanta Se.
19. An outsider doesn’t get why Bernalillo and Española are the butts of all our jokes.
20. An outsider will think that New Mexico has the prettiest sunsets. A local will KNOW that New Mexico has the prettiest sunsets.