1. You eat so much chile, it’s practically an addiction.
Yep, we have it on everything. Pizza, mac n’ cheese, burritos, burgers. When we leave New Mexico, there are definitely withdrawals and we would probably do unspeakable things for a fix.
2. You know that Christmas means two things.
It is both the most wonderful time of the year, and the most wonderful chile combination for any dish.
3. It’s chil-E, not chil-I — We’re like Hermione Granger on this point.
We don’t slather everything we put in our mouths with savory ground beef and beans, it’s bonafide New Mexican chile peppers, grown from hallowed ground and roasted to perfection. Get it right.
4. Same goes for farolitos.
They’re farolitos, not luminarias! Get with the program, people!
5. Your favorite season is autumn.
When the kids are starting back to school and there’s that nip in the air, it can mean only one thing: it’s time for Fiestas de Santa Fe! Go Zozobra, pet parade, Hysterical Historical! Que viva! And even better than that, chile roasting has started! *smashes bottle in excitement*
6. And your least favorite is spring.
THE WIND. OH DEAR GOD, THE WIND.
7. You have at least 5 jokes about Española.
They’re rude and snobby jokes but still, we collect them and use them liberally. Love ya, Española, stay classy.
8. You’ve seen virtually none of your favorite musicians in concert.
New Mexico is a real place with real people with real money, music industry. Care to send a concert tour our way once in a while? Don’t just go Texas-Colorado-Arizona, we’re here too! We like music too!
9. You have a whole extra fridge just for chile.
We eat it with everything, so of course, we need enough space for our yearly supply. What are we supposed to do if we run out, buy it *gag* prepackaged?
10. You call it the land of entrapment.
Tourists call it the land of enchantment, we call it the land of entrapment because we never seem able to escape its clutches. But that’s not always a bad thing.
11. You have crazy high standards for cinnamon and sweet rolls because of Frontier Cafe.
Eat your heart out, Cinnabon, we know where the good stuff is.
12. You either don’t ski at all or are insanely good at it.
There is no in-between. But either way, you get really excited when it snows at all.
13. You don’t own any turquoise or cowboy apparel.
Yeah, no, that’s just the tourists wearing and buying that stuff. We’re the ones hanging out in the background in normal clothes that don’t look like something out of a hipster Western.
14. You’re constantly being asked about Breaking Bad or George R.R. Martin.
Yes, we see George around Santa Fe. Yes, you can visit the Breaking Bad house in Albuquerque but please don’t throw pizza on the roof. I wouldn’t know if our meth is actually blue, I don’t partake.
15. You both adore the House of Eternal Return and also think it’s a tad overrated.
Just a smidge. It’s awesome and all and totally trippy, but the Due Return was a way cooler concept. Bring that back!
16. Your kitchen is filled with tortillas.
We eat them with everything! They are a vital necessity!
17. You have a 4 Loko survival story.
Barely made it out alive but. What. A. Night.
18. You’re over Burning Man.
Psh, big deal. We burn our own giant puppet too and we don’t have to drive out to the middle of nowhere to do it.
19. You’ve been abducted by aliens.
Oh, yes. Multiple times, yes. It’s just par for the course by now.