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23 Commandments for Living in New Mexico

New Mexico
by Zoe Baillargeon Feb 5, 2018

1. Thou shalt have chile on everything.

2. Thou shalt have to explain thousands upon thousands of times that New Mexico is not a part of Mexico.

3. Thou shalt not eat Colorado green chile, for it is lesser than and beneath us and shall not pass our lips.

4. Thou shalt always step outside when someone says “come look at the sunset,” for each is beautiful and unique.

5. Thou shalt take a crappy cell phone picture of each sunset that won’t capture its full majesty.

6. Thou shalt know someone who works in the movie industry in one way or another.

7. Thou knows that the pain of stepping on a goat head is far greater than any other.

8. Thou shalt NEVER. USE. TURN. SIGNALS. EVER. Indicating your turns is for losers.

9. Thou shalt end every question with “…or what?”

10. Thine default answer is “I know, huh?”

11. Thou shalt chuckle when out-of-towners say “Oh wow, Las Vegas is so close! Let’s go there!” And then relish the look of disappointment on their faces when they find out the truth.

12. Thou shalt never cross the threshold of a Taco Bell or Chipotle. We have the real thing all around us, don’t commit blasphemy with a *shudder* burrito bowl.

13. Thou shalt never spell it “chili” unless thou art referring to Frito Pies.

14. Thou shalt know that Dion’s is the best pizza in New Mexico.

15. Thou shalt call it the Fe, or Fanta Se.

16. Thou shalt always ask out-of-towners to try and pronounce the names of towns and streets — Pojoaque becomes Po-Ja-Q, Cerrillos is now Cer-il-os.

17. Thou shalt suffer greatly during juniper season — runny noses and watery eyes galore. Statewide misery.

18. Thou shalt agree that Blake’s is the best fast food chain in the state, and to question is heresy.

19. During chile roasting season, thou shalt always pause and relish the scent.

20. Thou shalt have serious doubts about whether the Spaceport will ever be completed.

21. Thou shalt answer in the affirmative when out-of-towners ask if you know someone who has been abducted.

22. Thou shalt never forgive Anthony Bourdain — he knows what he did.

23. Thou shalt know that New Mexico is the best state to live in — you’re goddamn right.

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