1. My heart will always be with ____.
So, you don’t think Texas can fill that hole in your soul after leaving New Jersey? Montana? New Hampshire? Think again. In addition to having a lower cost of living and just as progressive an attitude as coastal cities, Texas has a way of rubbing off on newcomers right away. We could get even the most fervent supporter of a football team out east to add the Longhorns and Cowboys to their repertoire.
2. I’ll be a cowgirl.
You bet. Move to Houston and we’ll have you learning how to ride and rope stray cattle within a week. It might be difficult to find a place to ride through the modern city streets, but don’t let that hold you back. What might hold you back is the misconception every Texan takes his or her horse to commute to work. At least you can try to ride the mechanical bull in a bar…
3. I won’t start invoking secession.
Before you moved to Texas you used to laugh at Rick Perry’s absurd reference to secession. Well, I guarantee you within a few years you’ll be doing the same, even if it’s just as a joke. It’s fun to romanticize Texas’ past, because it invokes the memory of us as a strong independent nation under Sam Houston. Even if it does look foolish to outsiders, we stand behind our history.
4. I’ve got a friend in Dallas; I’ll visit him every weekend.
Texans definitely don’t shy away from road trips, but we still know things are so much farther apart in our state when compared with commuting the northeastern corridor. Dallas to Austin is a 3-4-hour drive without traffic (and there’s always traffic leaving). New York to Harrisburg has you cross through three states and still leaves you 30 miles short. Our cities may not look far apart on the map, but Texas is at least twice as big as most US states.
5. I’ll keep eating Del Taco, Taco Bell and Taco Cabana.
Those places only exist because there are no good alternatives for Mexican food in most other states. Not so in Texas. The minute you land at DFW, there is quality and affordable Tex-Mex waiting within a 15-minute drive… in the airport, too. If you honestly believe you would rather have Taco Bell over Uncle Julio’s, Del Taco over Chuy’s, or Taco Cabana over Baby A’s, you’re not going to survive very long.
6. The people will accept me as one of their own.
Where do you think you are, Pandora? You don’t get to just slip on a flannel shirt and boots and walk amongst Texans. We do make allowances for people who have been here for years and start using our expressions (even if they keep their regional accent), but you’re going to have to earn the title of Texan.
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