8 Reasons You Should Never Date a Girl From Texas

1. They’re the most beautiful of all American women.

I’m definitely going to catch some flak for this one, but it happens to be true. Not only are we the state responsible for creating the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders (paying them a fair wage is someone else’s department), but after being with someone so physically perfect, you’ll find it ruins dating for you in any other state…or country…or planet.

2. They’re also the women you don’t want to mess with.

Chivalry may be respected in Texas, but that doesn’t mean it’s relied upon. Texas women might welcome you opening the door, but when it comes to defending their honor, you will see a fury unleashed that can never be rivaled with women in Oklahoma….or Jersey, say.

3. They’re the exes of someone living in Tennessee.

4. Beyonce

She’s from Texas. Talk about impossible standards.

5. The bigger the hair, the closer to god.

The latter may not always be true, but the former certainly is. Despite the weeks of sweltering heat in a Texas summer, there are still millions of women who choose aesthetics over practicality. How can you date someone that passionate about maintaining their lovely locks?

6. They don’t want to impress you; they do things because they want to.

They won’t shoot guns, watch football, or get down in the mud because they’re trying to show a guy they can be just as rough and tumble as him. They do it because their uncle taught them to shoot when they were six, they’ve been playing catch with their brothers since they were old enough to walk, and what kind of Texas woman is afraid of getting dirty?

7. You’ll have too many choices of where to take her.

If there’s one thing Texas doesn’t lack, it’s options for a first date. Beer and a movie at the Alamo Drafthouse? Done. Early evening picnic before a sweaty Shakespeare in the Park? Say no more. The paralysis of too many choices.

8. They’re not normal.

…and that’s a good thing.