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9 Texas Sayings You Might Hear During the Apocalypse

by Turner Wright Jul 18, 2017

1. You may all go to hell, and I will go to Texas.

Davy Crockett might already be dead and buried, but that doesn’t mean his style of speech has to disappear when the Earth decides to explode. What better way to spend your last days than heating some BBQ by eternal hellfire?

2. Hotter ‘n hell.

Though this is usually a cycling race in North Texas in August, the organizers might be willing to settle for a sporting event in the aftermath of the ultimate global warming…the change in temperature may not even be noticeable.

3. You can’t fix stupid.

How did we get to the apocalypse? Not enough repenting? Either way, someone will be to blame, and the words of a Texas comedian like Ron White will come in handy when it comes time for finger pointing.

4. He’s the only hell his mama ever raised.

…you can actually refer to the devil and expect to be taken literally.

5. She’d charge hell with a bucket of ice water.

We’ll see about that. Metaphors no longer apply when the apocalypse starts.

6. Things are going to hell in a handbasket.

Yes, yes they are. And, it’s a damn big handbasket.

7. Here’s your sign.

Referring to the fact stupid people should wear signs saying, “I am stupid,” so we can have fair warning. Assuming we still have our sense of humor and Bill Engvall survived, this Texas expression would fit right in.

8. Come hell or high water…

This refers to the dangers homesteaders faced when making their way west to Texas. Neither the extreme heat of the Lone Star not-yet-a-State or deep rivers could stop them.

9. “If I owned hell and Texas, I’d rent out Texas and live in hell.”

Whatever may come at the end of the world, you can be sure Texans will feel like someone turned on the AC.

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