1. “Sorry, my car’s heater is broken. But if you break, shake, and hold these hand-warmers, they should keep you at least partially toasty until we get to my ma’s place.”
We Sconnies may be able to handle our cold, but trust me when I say we appreciate our warm homes and vehicles, and we expect diligent upkeep.
2. “Why don’t you move to Chicago? It’s so close, and so much cooler.”
Trust me, we live close enough to Chicago to know that we are NOT living there purposely. And we bleed green and gold, so question the coolness of the state we love, and you can jump on the next wind gale to Chi-town as far as we are concerned.
3. “I really enjoyed my time with you! What do you say we try this again? Let’s see, archery and crossbow hunting starts next week, on September 16th. And I’ll pert’ near be hunting until the season closes on January 7th. Are you free on January 8th?”
It’s probably safest to just not begin dating anyone during hunting season if you want it to stand a chance of making it.
4. “Holy cow, it’s 35 degrees! I think it’s too cold to go out tonight. Can we reschedule?”
If you can’t get used to dating in this weather, you better either grow some thicker skin or consider moving south.
5. “I don’t like grilling out.”
6. “I don’t enjoy water sports.”
We have 15,000 lakes, which means we have spent our entire lives playing in and on the water. We are forever looking for a sidekick to enjoy it with. Extra hearts in our eyes if you own a boat.
7. “I don’t know how to drive in the snow.”
If you can’t handle this climate, you can’t handle us.
8. Show up wearing a Vikings Jersey.
You better turn yourself around and walk back to your car.
9. Show up wearing a Vikings Jersey with FAVRE written on the back.
You’d better run.