Leslie

Leslie Cochran left Texas (and the world) a number of years ago, but that doesn’t mean he’s not still revered as a legend: as the flamboyant homeless man who ran for mayor, stood up to police corruption, and was the embodiment of Keep Austin Weird.

Whataburger

It’s not as though you won’t find Texans visiting Wendy’s or McD’s at 1am, if they crave a burger, but Whataburger is the chain we’re drawn to. Imagine if Los Pollos Hermanos actually opened a chain in New Mexico now; Whataburger would probably still be more popular.

Death

No… I don’t mean we’re obsessed with dying or killing people, but we certainly seem to have a number of citizens eager to show we’re not afraid of death, or doing everything possible to prepare for what’s to come. Being part of the Bible Belt and quite a few of us being Southern Baptists, people in Texas are unquestionably religious. This fear of the unknown is only matched by the fervor with which we choose to prepare for the apocalypse: open carrying huge guns, stockpiling canned goods, and target shooting to prepare for when the zombies arrive.

Homecoming mums

I didn’t even know this was solely a Texas tradition until I compared high school stories. It seems as though every school in the Lone Star State is competing to have the biggest compilation of ribbons, flowers, and flare.

Floating the river

Why fight the summer heat in the pool when you have a perfectly good river, inner tube, and six pack of Shiner?

Family pictures in the bluebonnets

Many non-Texans just make a reservation at a photo studio, get their children all dressed up, and pick out the perfect shot for Christmas cards and portraits. Texans all pile into the car, pull over when they see a good bluebonnet field, and capture the moment.

Making everything slightly bigger

At just over 300 feet tall, the Texas State Capitol is one of a select few higher than the capitol building in Washington DC. Kyle Field, part of Texas A&M, is the largest in the Southeastern Conference. Not to mention the size of the state itself… we still don’t acknowledge Alaska exists.

Avoiding walking

Who is the government to tell us to exercise? If our bodies really are batteries waiting to be drained, why should we waste that energy being fit and building stamina when Texans can simply drive the two blocks to get a huge steak?

Holding grudges

Rick Perry never let the rest of the country forget Texas technically has the right to secede. There’s still a long-standing rivalry between UT Austin and Texas A&M. Jennifer Li called me stupid in 2nd grade. I’ve never forgiven her and I just turned 35. Never get on a Texan’s bad side unless you want to bring up every slight in human history.

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