Your wedding should be the most magical day of your life. Your bachelorette party should be the drunkest. Let loose and release those inhibitions. Your bartender has seen it all before. Here is what we’re really thinking while we make you a cosmo:

1. “Yes, I CAN see that the straws you bought are actually penises. Clever.”

2. “Great, I’m gonna have to stay late to clean up all that penis-shaped confetti.”

3. “Raise of hands — which friend made the matching bachelorette party t-shirts? Dis-invite them to the wedding.”

4. “I’m happy to make you drinks, but please don’t make me pretend to care about the details of your wedding plans.”

5. “Blowjob shots? Is it more embarrassing if I have to google the recipe or if I know the recipe by heart?”

6. “Is it a truth universally acknowledged that the quiet friend always orders the blowjob shots?”

7. “Time to cue up the Beyonce.”

8. “No, I don’t want to wear your extra tiara. That pink boa…maybe.”

9. “I’m sorry if I’m not more excited about your major life event, but it’s June. This is the fifth bachelorette party I’ve served this week.”

10. “I’ll give you a free shot for your bachelorette scavenger hunt, but it’ll be well tequila.”

11. “We all wish the hot dude bartender was working tonight.”

12. “Don’t invite your mom to the bachelorette party. Unless she’s down to party and is not afraid of seeing her daughter being highly inappropriate, then, definitely invite your mom to the bachelorette party.”

13. “Don’t worry about your fiancé’s bachelor party. Bachelorettes have way more fun.”

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