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How to Humiliate Yourself in New Mexico

New Mexico
by Zoe Baillargeon May 14, 2018

We get it. You’re new here, or you’re just visiting from out of state. You probably don’t know how we do things around here in good old New Mexico. So if you happen to make any of these mistakes and humiliate yourself, don’t worry, we won’t judge you (too hard).

1. Order the hottest level of chile if you’re an out-of-towner.

We know you’re probably trying to show off, but you’re only hurting yourself. You’ll be begging for some milk in about five minutes.

2. Mispronounce Spanish words.

It’s Cerrillos, not Cer-ILL-os. Pojoaque, not Po-JA-q. Tortillas, not Tor-till-as. It’s basic Spanish, not rocket science.

3. Use your indicator.

The turn indicator is a foreign concept for New Mexicans, so if we see you using it, we’ve got you pegged as a straight-edged, road-safety-conscious nerd.

4. Go to Chipotle or Taco Bell to eat.

Seriously? Just, seriously? There is actual, genuine, delicious New Mexican food all around you, why would you go for the knock-off generic brand? (Side note: the only time Taco Bell is acceptable is when you’re drunk, you need something Mexican, and everything else is closed.)

5. Make a comment about how high Santa Fe is.

Yeah, it’s over a mile high, you’re out of breath, whatever. Give it a day, you’ll be fine.

6. Assume that everyone speaks Spanish or is of Hispanic descent.

Stereotyping. Not cool.

7. Wear tons of turquoise jewelry with cowboy clothing.

No one here actually dresses like that. Ever.

8. Say that the only things you know about New Mexico are from Breaking Bad.

Don’t believe everything you see on TV. We don’t have blue meth and Pollos Hermanos is not a chain.

9. Dress for rain.

No one in New Mexico owns a single piece of clothing for rain. We know that when it does rain it’ll stop in five minutes, so what’s the point of dragging around a pair of galoshes or a raincoat all day?

10. Ask us about aliens and Roswell.

Psh, get out of here with your conspiracy theories. And like we would actually tell you if we had close encounters.

11. Assume that New Mexico is the same as Arizona or Texas.

Dude, really?

12. Ask if New Mexico is a part of Mexico.

No, no, no, no, no. For the last time, New Mexico is SEPARATE from Mexico. We are a state, not a country. You lose any and all credibility when you ask this, even as a joke. Sorry, we take back what we said about not judging you.

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