13 Things You'll Never Hear a Friend From Philadelphia Say

2. “Can you pick up the check?”

In no setting will the check be a source of conflict with your Philly friends. We’re proud and we’re generous, bank accounts be damned. We don’t care if we haven’t had steady employment in six months, we’ll fight you for that first round, and every one thereafter until you beat us out.

3. “I don’t think I can make it.”

Philly people show up for their people. Your friend may be “finding herself” in Bali but the second she hears you’re engaged she’s booking a flight home to celebrate you. The same goes when one of us receives a text that says “I just need to get out.” Even if we’re already laying in bed in a full sweatsuit, we’ll be in an Uber in 15 minutes or less for our friends.

4. “Wanna head to the beach?”

It’s not that we don’t love the coast, it’s just that we would never use that verbiage. Yes, we want a day in the sun, but we’ll have ours at the shore. Let the rest of the world go to the beach.

5. “Why would we go to brunch?”

What else would we do on a Saturday morning if not sit in an offensively long line for breakfast food and mimosas? True Philly friends are always down for brunch, no questions asked.

6. “Philly isn’t a great place to live.”

Not only is Philadelphia the best place to live, but it’s also the only place worth living, and Philadelphians are the only people worth knowing.

7. “Go Giants!”

No self-respecting Philadelphian friend would ever utter such dark words, especially from August until January. No friend of ours would be so cruel.

8. “I can’t wait for winter.”

No one’s getting excited about four months of barely above freezing temperatures, rain, and wind.

9. “Riding down 76 was a breeze.”

Unless the ride happened in the middle of the night on a Tuesday, it was likely a trip from hell.

10. “Let’s sit outside and enjoy this gorgeous August day.”

If by that you mean hide in a dark room with the air-conditioner at full blast drinking only frozen beverages and wearing as little clothing as possible, we’re in. A proper Philadelphia friendship does not include leaving the house in the summer months. Unless, of course, the temperature manages to dip below 90 degrees for a brief moment. Then, it’s off to a rooftop bar or a beer garden — only after sunset, though, we’re not crazy.

11. “You’re not welcome here.”

It doesn’t matter who it is, your friend is our friend. We will never turn away a newcomer. The more the merrier around these parts.

12. “Nah, I’d rather go somewhere other than Wawa.”

We would never dare to utter such falsehoods. Especially when it’s after midnight, when you need a coffee fix, or you’re broke and hungry. Actually, there’s never a bad time to hit up Wawa.

13. “I’m sorry I lied.”

Your Philly friend is brutally honest, sometimes to a fault. What you may hear is more along the lines of “I’m sorry that came out harsh, but it’s true.” It’s comforting, in an overly offensive kind of way.