1. No, we’re not all sitting around eating peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

2. “Lunch at the Rendezvous followed by a viewing of the Peabody Duck march” is not a “Memphis tradition.” Playing the drums on the Raiford’s dance floor before joy riding in your buddy’s police cruiser to Alex’s for wings, is.

3. BBQ Fest is awesome, yes, but it’s not for out-of-towners. You need to be on a competing team or close to someone who is to actually get anything out of the experience.

4. Sure, the trolleys are cute but no, they’re not free, they shouldn’t be on anyone’s list of “reliable public transportation,” and they’re not even trolleys any more. They’re busses.

5. Country music is just not our jam; you’re thinking of Nashville. And no, they’re not the same.

6. The ribs game does not begin and end at the Rendezvous.

7. There is nothing “mild” about a Memphis summer. Contrary to popular belief, if you visit between May and October you will be miserable.

8. Please don’t stay at the Heartbreak Hotel, even if you did just come here for Elvis.

9. The “nearby Jack Daniel’s Distillery” is actually four hours away.

10. The Mid-South Fair is not one of our “yearly festivals.”

11. Don’t go to a Memphis Redbirds game for the peanuts and Cracker Jacks. Go for the BBQ nachos.

12. Go ahead and take the Hickory Ridge Mall off your “where to shop in Memphis” list.

13. There is more to the Memphis Zoo than the pandas.

14. The Statue of Liberation at the World Overcomers church is not a “must-see attraction.” It’s an embarrassment.

15. The Stax Museum is not a “hidden gem.” We all know about it.

16. There are no casinos in Memphis. You’re thinking of Tunica and that is in an entirely different state.