How do you cultivate your humanity?

It’s funny I should happen across this post today. Yesterday afternoon my husband and I were at a gas station when this guy came up to us and said his car had died 2 1/2 miles down the road. His wife and kids were in the car, his bank card didn’t work, he wasn’t a beggar (he was from San Francisco), and he needed $23 dollars to buy a new belt to carry back to his car so he could fix it and be on his way. He felt genuine to me, but general societal rules told me that we aren’t supposed to trust people like this, so I dug out a little pile of pennies from the car and handed those over to him.

As we ate dinner, I watched the man through the window of the restaurant, trying to get more money from patrons at the gas station and something kept nagging at me. I was thinking about this piece that Joshywashington wrote: http://thetravelersnotebook.com/notes-from-road/notes-on-running-out-of-money/ and thinking about why we always assume that people are out to scam us? It seems especially prevalent in the United States, where we’re taught from an early age not to talk to strangers. It’s why we don’t know our neighbors, won’t help our community members and assume everyone is “bad.”

I got stuck in a rain storm in Kenya once, and this old couple who lived in a tiny home made of corrugated metal with dirt floors let me wait out the storm in their house. They made me chai while I waited. They clearly didn’t have much nor did they know me; they were under no obligation to help me, but they did. Why aren’t Americans more like that? I honestly think we’d be more likely just to let people soak in the rain.

So I was thinking of all these things while I was watching this man trying to collect $23 dollars for a new belt for his car. My husband and I cleaned out our pockets and found $15, which we gave to the guy. He seemed extremely grateful for the help when he could barely get nickels or dimes from anyone else.

I’m not one to go around and just give out cash, but I think there is something in the Pay It Forward idea. The old couple in Kenya gave me shelter when I needed it, and I gave the man at the gas station money when he needed it. Someday I hope he will do the same. I think we need to remember that we are all human, not scary and bad beings walking around in human bodies. Yes, there is the occasional bad apple, but in general, we’re good people, and if we try to remember to smile rather than feel suspicion, we can find that humanness in others.

sometimes I feel intimidated seeing other people’s blank or scowling faces that even though I think hey, I can help them carry their heavy bags/hold the lift for them/give a smile/give a couple of coins, I find myself hesitating. often the intention is not realised into action.

that’s why I find it easier to communicate with strangers because I think, what have I got to lose by simply saying hi to him/her?

once as I was returning from the supermarket i carried a couple of plastic bags for an old lady staying at a neighbouring block. she was really happy and i smiled the rest of the day because i felt good about myself.

another time, a middle aged guy asked me for a small note, like two dollars or something. i didnt have it but i gave him a bigger note instead, and he couldnt stop saying thank you and kept bowing to get his point across.

whatever it is we decide to do ultimately what’s important is that we make a human connection with that person because sometimes thats all theyre looking for. its like how even though i ‘helped’ the old lady, it took me minutes later to realise that i offered my help because i was looking to reach out to someone.