When travel takes a friend

By Caroline Makepeace On August 26, 2010 · 31 Comments

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Death is not something many of us like to associate with traveling. But when it happens to a close friend, we have to accept the reality that life can end in an instant, much the way it begins.

It was one of those fresh fall mornings where the air was crisp and clean and you could hear the birds singing. I glanced at the gum tree outside my balcony door, and noticed how the light from the rising sun cast a soft glow inside my living room.

I sat down to the computer to check my email. Amongst the clutter of newsletters and group messages sat an email from our friend Wazza. My smile brightened at the thought that maybe he had already heard our good news.

I scrolled down in anticipation of following my friends latest travel adventure, but really, could it top his last story of partying with Bono on a Mediterranean sailboat?

Within moments of clicking open the email, I wished I hadn’t. For 10 years I had avoided this email, or its less tactful friend, the phone call. As much as I tried to deny its existence, I always felt the presence of the dark-side-of-travel’s shadow lurking. The words stung.

Dear Caz and Craig,

We see through Warren’s address book that you are friends with our son. It is with great sorrow that I write today to tell you that our beloved Waz was killed in a tragic bus accident in Kenya last week.

My breath was suddenly smothered by my hands covering my mouth. I read the words over and over again in the hopes that they would just vanish. But they didn’t. Wazza was dead. Despite the shock, tears began to fall and my mind scrambled for details.

Was he alone? Where was he going? Was it quick?

How did this happen?

Images moved to the forefront of my mind. I knew how it happened all too well. I had sat in the spot where he lost his life. On a crowded matutu, crammed in the back with twenty locals. The overloaded minivan careened around mountainous bends and overtook trucks. I prayed that my life would be spared, knowing that in Africa the odds are not in your favor.

I lived that terror and felt the needles of fear on my neck. But I was spared. Warren wasn’t. His driver overtook at the wrong time. A cattle truck. Instant death.

My body was consumed by Wazza’s fear at the moment of his death. Blackness overwhelmed me and I could not breathe.

Begging to Know Why

Photo: NJ..

Why did you get on that bus? You must have known? You must have felt something was not right? It’s your life, you know when you are hungry, you know when your heart is about to break, or when magic is about to happen, you must have known your life was about to end.

I’m so sorry Waz. I’m so sorry your life was cut short. It’s not fair. While people spend their day whining and bitching about triviality you instead chose to live out loud and in joy. Why did you have to be taken? You were helping to make the world a better place.

It was your stories that inspired Craig and I to river tube in Vang Vieng, Laos. It was my stories on the pearling boat in Broome that inspired you to go to…Africa.

Was it my enthusiasm and love for travel that set him on the path of his sudden premature death?

Warren’s boat was my favorite to work on. I was relatively new to Pearling. He was very patient and kind, always offering an encouraging word or smile to help me learn.

We’d stand across from each other at the table, chipping away at the barnacle crusted pearl shells, in an effort to produce the world’s finest Pas Paley Pearls. To overcome the mundaneness of the day, we’d talk about travel and our dreams for the future.

I was on my way to the US after 2 years in Asia, the UK and Africa. He was working hard to live his dream; sailing chartered yachts through the Mediterranean, surfing through Asia, and backpacking Africa.

Stories of Africa was all he wanted to hear. His eyes wide open with curiosity, “And so tell me Caz… . What about….. Wow! And how……” I would gladly regale him with tales of wild animal encounters, tropical islands, and dangerous road trips.

Craig is going to be devastated. He thought so highly of you, as did Stilts. So many memorable nights you and my brother spent together playing indoor cricket in the corrugated iron shed, followed by barbies and campfire beers. And Chris, you were like another brother to her. And what about Jenny? I was so happy that my sister had someone so decent and loving in her life. I was proud to call you BIL. Remember-Brother In Law. I was sad when you two didn’t work out. You knew and loved my whole family and they loved you.

Levels of Pain

Photo: CanadaPenguin

I thought of his family. I felt their devastation. Waz, the baby of the family, was adored. His brother, one evening in Perth, took Jenny and I out to dinner of all places to an African restaurant. His sister invited me, a stranger, to her house party. “A friend of Waz is a friend of ours,” she said.

On the day of his funeral, I sat alone on the beach on the opposite side of the country, my heart heavy with silent respect. The water danced and twinkled in the sunlight, enticing me to feel joy.

A stranger nearby asked “Why are you so sad?”

“A friend is getting buried today.” I looked out to the sea.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” he spoke kindly, “but do you think your friend would want you to remember him with a heavy heart, or in celebration for a life he lived well?”

A boat, masts abreast in the wind, sailed into my line of vision, moving toward the horizon. I saw Waz at the wheel, blond hair blown around his bronzed face, his cheeky grin, radiant as he waved. I felt the wild kicking feet of my daughter playing in my stomach.

A kindred, wandering spirit, he lived for the freedom of the sea and of the open road. And that took his life.

Have you ever experienced a friend or family’s death from travel? Share your thoughts below.

About The Author

Caroline Makepeace

Caz has been a traveling expat for 13 years. She has spent the last 8 years exploring the world with her husband, Craig and now daughter, Kalyra. They now explore the whys of travel on their website, y travel blog. They aim to not just teach people how to travel and live around the world but inspire them to create a life full of meaningful memories.

http://matadortravel.com/traveler/evasandoval EvaSandoval

I’m so very sorry for your loss. This is the side of travel no one like to think about; the side that naysayers back home warn us about. It sounds like your friend was a wonderful person and it’s evident from your piece that you loved him very much. Thank you for your courageous story.
http://nancythegnomette.com Nancy

Powerful story, Caroline. Thank you for sharing it with us. What a great way to honor Wazza, your friendship, and yourself with this article.
http://www.soultravelers3.com soultravelers3

I’m so sorry for your pain. My brother died while traveling on a bike in the US, so I do understand your pain and the shock.

I also know those kinds of scary roads in Africa & traveled them some on our open ended world trip with our young daughter.

Thanks for this beautiful tribute to your friend and all the travelers who die on the road living their dreams. Still, most of us survive the scary thrills that come with travel, especially off the beaten path & those that don’t, die living the lives that they wanted.

Every death is sad, more so if it is a young person, but it is part of life and perhaps the best reason of all to realize early that even the longest life is short & must be lived to the fullest.
http://www.Travel-Writers-Exchange.com Rebecca

Sorry for your loss. Travelers know the risk they’re taking when they embark on a journey. Unfortunately, death can happen when you least expect it and doesn’t ask permission. Remember the good times you had with your friend and know that he’s traveling with you in your heart.
Scott

I can only pray that your friend was where he wanted to be, doing what he wanted to do . . . as my father was when he died on his barge in Paris, a day before I got the phone call in Pakistan
http://joshywashington.wordpress.com joshua johnson

Thank you so much for sharing. I know it can be difficult to honor these experiences with words and I thank you for taking us there. Your friend lives on through your story of his life and how much he impacted yours.
Really good writing too.
http://simonegorrindo.wordpress.com/ Simone

Thank you for this. It is, more than anything, a very beautiful portrait. It truly is a tribute, some of the most selfless writing I’ve read.

This detail about your baby kicking was just wonderful.
G.B.S.N.P.Varma

I am sorry for your loss. Moving story and tribute.
Scott

Caroline . . . one thing I found with the death of my father (20 years ago, this year) is that I still write about him (he’s found his way into both books I’ve written since then) . . . about his death and how it affected me . . . and every time I do write about him, I go deeper still, with my writing; that event took me to a depth in myself I didn’t know I had . . . and I write – about him or anything – from that place to this day. Peace to you, Caroline.
http://suzyguese.com/ Suzy

Beautiful tribute to your friend Caz, someone it seems you admire a great deal, especially when it comes to travel. I have been lucky not to lose a friend who was traveling. I can only imagine how you must have felt. I guess a loss of a friend traveling reminds me travel can’t escape everyday occurrences at home. Sometimes I think I forget that, thinking traveling to be this “nothing can touch me” zone. Thanks for sharing your story and friend.
http://travelwritelive.com Devin the Travel Writer

Nice tribute Caroline,

Sorry for the difficult time.
devin
http://saffakidlife.blogspot.com Jenna

moving story caroline, i liked how you added your own internal dialogue tributes to the piece, very personal and sincere, especially the part about your daughter’s kicking feet.

just one thing i couldn’t help but notice, i think you’ve left out a word in the intro paragraph: ‘we have to ? the reality that life can end in an instant, much the way it begins.”

should it be face/accept the reality?

from my side, i haven’t experienced the death of a close friend while they were traveling, but a old high school friend of mine died in hong kong this year, after he fell off a balcony, and spent time in ICU.

i think what i felt the most was just sadness for his family, who had probably not seen him in a while before the accident.
http://audaciousfreedom.com Kerry-ann

Thank you for sharing your story. It is a side to travelling that isn’t spoken about. I have had that dreaded letter and phone call enough time during my travels telling me that death has happened to best friends, uncles and grandparents. And always I have been away on the other side of the world unable to even attend the funeral. Unable to support the family or my friends family. To be part of the grieving and the healing.

I know that shock – unable to take it in, trying to make sense of something that is completely scrambled. It is strange what goes through your head during those moments and the moments afterwards. There was a stage I refused to answer phone calls for fear of getting another one of ‘those’ phone calls.

Best wishes too you as you find healing and peace.
Emma

My dear fellow traveller. I was touched by your story and know it has been something I have faced in my travels many times – buses across India, taxis across Cairo, walking across the Himalayas – it is part and parcel of travelling, the flipside to the buzz of trekking off by ones-self facing the great unknown, the inherent calculated risk every traveller faces when walking out their front door. As you say, “the dark side of travel”, a fear that every traveller’s family and friends must also face, and sadly sometimes realise, along with us. But how great he died doing something he loved. Better that than dying a life less lived. Here’s to your friend Wazza to having the courage to live his dreams. With warmth and empathy. Emma.
http://www.DeniseMichaels.com Denise Michaels, “Your Excellent Adventure”

So sorry for your loss, Caroline. What a beautifully written post.

For some reason a few years ago my husband and I lost about ten people close to us in a span of two years. Then our lives were funeral free for awhile. This past April my Dad passed away. I was so blessed to have him to the age of 52. My parents were married 56 years.

I’ve learned over time to be a more sanguine and peaceful about the passing of a friend or relative – even if they were dynamic, enthusiastic and passionate about life. It’s not that you miss them any less – it’s just that you know even if it seems unfathomable, somehow it’s part of the way of the Universe works. As much as it seems like your friend Waz might’ve been able to avoid his fate – well, I dunno, perhaps not. Maybe it was his time.

The most important lesson is to live everyday to the fullest. Live as if you only have another year or even less. And it sounds like you’re doing that with abundance.
http://www.deliciouschaos.com Nick

Caz – I’m trembling. This is a beautiful and moving tribute to your friend. Thank you for having the courage to share it.
http://waywardtraveller.com/ Annie

Caz, what a deep and heartfelt article. What a terrible loss to ensue, I’m so sorry that you have had to reach this time in your life and your travel story.

This is a beautiful article and you have inspired travelers and anyone in the face of a loss to see through the pain and celebrate the life lived.
http://www.travelkat.com Travel List

Thank you for this. It is, more than anything, a very beautiful portrait
http://www.walksofitaly.com jack

hi..
that story really very nice , but bad happend can’t stop the travelling … so that very important story ..
http://www.awhinatours.co.nz/ Dawn

What a moving tribute to your friend. It was impossible to read and not feel your pain.

And yet, the gentleman at the end of your story was right. Waz had obviously loved traveling – he was living every moment to the max. He would not have wanted you to have grieved inconsolably.

And if it was your love of travel that led him to the dusty road that took his life, don’t blame yourself. You led him to a life he loved, a life that let him see and experience things outside of his humdrum world.

He would thank you for that.
http://www.driftersblog.com J.R. Riel

Hey Caz, JR here. I know it’s been a while since we were in touch, I’m still getting the hang of expat life, but today I decided to check out what was going on here at Matador, and when I began to read this article, my heart went out to the writer, not knowing it was you.

But when I read that the ominous email was addressed to you and Craig, my heart really hurt for you both! I can’t even imagine the mix of emotions you must be going through right now. I don’t know what else I can say, but just know that I’m thinking about you, Craig and Kalyra. Trust in each other during this time.
http://www.walksofitaly.com walking tour vatican city

hey, your story is really great ,but it’s a showing a pain ,that’s bad happens but nobody can’t do anythings because it’s truth so can’t stopped the traveling tour ……………………
thank you for sharing your story.
http://www.baconismagic.ca Ayngelina

I met a wonderful guy with an amazing attitude about life and a spirit that was contagious. I only spent a few days with him in Chiang Mai but he made an impression. A few months later I went to his Facebook profile to see where he was and it turned out he had died a few days prior.

I was absolutely stunned and confused about how to feel about the death of someone I hadn’t known for very long. In the end I chose to remember that he was someone that lived life more than many people who live longer.

His facebook profile is still open and people write memories of him even though he died over a year ago. It warms my heart to see he touched so many people.
http://inspiringtravellers.com/ Andrea and John

So sorry to hear about your friend. We haven’t lost anyone to travel, thank goodness, but a friend of a friend also lost her life on the African roads a couple of years ago. This is a beautiful post about your mate’s life, though. It’s terrible to find out about these things over phone or email. When my mother passed away, I heard about it on a voicemail. I’ll never forget that sick feeling listening to the message. I hope he will continue to live on in your hearts.
http://www.islandmomma.wordpress.com Linda

So sorry for your loss. The right words are always hard to find at times like this, but you have kept his spirit alive by talking about him this way, so now he lives in more hearts than even the people who met him. Take care.
http://www.thetravelchica.com The Travel Chica

The words you have used to remember your friend actually made me cry. When we travel in certain places, we know we are taking some risks. What a wonderful tribute to your friend and a reminder that we are lucky every day to have our experiences and meet such amazing people.
Abi

I had a very close friend who travelled a lot. He cycled across America, climbed Mont Blanc and was always pushing his body to the limits, while helping others to overcome their nerves and achieve something that made them proud. Something that made them feel alive.
He died, in a moment, on a short run and the hospital where he worked as a doctor in A&E/ER could do nothing to save him.
I have heard the messages of hope and inspiration that you and others have written about here, but to be honest, at the moment I still feel pain and loss.
However, his life – and death – have emphasised one thing: you can avoid travel and run from adventure if you wish but that cannot make you safe.
I am so sorry for your loss but perhaps there is comfort to be found in the knowledge that your friend was living his dream…
I don’t know. I’m just sorry to hear this news.
http://twitter.com/familyonbikes Nancy Sathre-Vogel

I am sorry for your loss – it’s always hard when we read about someone dying while doing the exact same thing we’ve done. We won the lottery, they didn’t.

My father died while traveling in Spain. Mom and Dad had planned their 3-month tour around the world for years and were nearly giddy with excitement when they finally flew to Spain. On the third day of the trip, Dad had a heart attack and died in his sleep. Mom was devastated.

My mother’s initial reaction was that she wouldn’t travel any more, but she did. She accepted her mate’s death as one of those things that could have happened anywhere and she moved on with her life. Not easy to be sure, but she did it.
http://nomadicsamuel.com Nomadic Samuel

Caz, I found this article using stumble upon this morning. It’s such a tragic story & something that is unfortunately a reality. I’ve lost a few friends over the years due to accidents – mostly vehicle crashes. One close friend in Korea was hit by a drunk driver speeding around a corner. It’s honestly one of the hardest things to get over. I keep thinking in my mind that these individuals had so much more to see, do & live yet their lives were cut tragically short.
http://twitter.com/NeilTheIntern Neil Colicchio

What a beautiful homage to your friend. I never knew Waz, but you’ve captured his spirit well. He sounds like a wonderful person with a good soul. You’ve truly honored his memory. Sorry for your loss.
http://twitter.com/marksmayo Mark Mayo

I feel your pain, and I’m sorry for your loss. I watched helplessly as two nurses and a doctor tried unsuccessfully to save my friend in Bolivia last year, and it’s something you have to live with for the rest of your life – it’s impossible to forget, but one can only remember that as travellers, they were doing something they loved and were out truly living, seeing the world for themselves.

It’s always hard going out on another adventure as you leave people behind, people who worry for you but at the same time are excited for you – that you’re living out your dreams. And yes, there are risks, but there are risks at home as well, and as such, risks should not own our fears, and should not keep us from exploring, adventuring and living out our dreams! I hope it doesn’t discourage you from travel, and I hope you know your friend would want you to keep travelling as well.

When travel takes a friend

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