Matador’s ‘best worst beer’ experiment

By Hal Amen On June 9, 2010 · 27 Comments

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In which Matador Trips co-editor and confessed beer snob Hal Amen decides to drop the hops in a quest for the shittiest beer in America.

PEOPLE LOVE TO BITCH about American beer. Not excluding Americans. We proudly rag on the mild urine undertones of Keystone Light, the corned beef hash infusion of the Beast, and the dead-on approximation of formaldehyde that is Steel Reserve.

I’ve downed a lot of swill, but I have yet to determine the answer to what seems like a very important question: Which one is most deserving of our abuse? What is the SHITTIEST beer in America?

You probably have your opinion, but I want to get scientific. So over the next couple weeks, I and a handful of judges will be blind taste tasting 16 of the worst offenders. In the end, only the foulest will remain standing (or, warm and flat in a half-full plastic cup ditched behind the couch the night before because it was just too vile).

And to do this, we need your help. We want to hear your nominations for the “best worst beer” our nation has to offer.

I don’t want to get into the finer points of who owns what and where which is bottled. For eligibility, we’re talking classic American panther piss, mainstream enough that you can find it anywhere in the country (and especially in Austin, so I can buy it).

Bud Light, MGD, Natty, yes. Heineken, Tecate, Spaten, no.

Got it? So let’s hear it! Leave your nomination (or five) in the comments section below.

About The Author

Hal Amen

Freelance writer Hal Amen edits Matador Trips. His personal travel blog is at WayWorded.

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http://waywardlife.posterous.com/ Tom Gates

I think that Quilmes is borderline offensive. Two months there and I had about three, and only because it was outside of the stadium and Metallica was playing and man, you can’t be sober for that shit.

http://yesthereissuchathingasastupidquestion.wordpress.com/ Kate Sedgwick

Just the smell is horrible. They don’t sell that in the US, do they?

Wilwaukee’s Best and Milwaukee’s Best Ice. King Cobra. Olde English.
http://matadortrips.com/ Hal Amen

Really? I never minded the Quilmes too much. I mean, it’s not honey in my mouth, but compared to other “foreign countries’ Budweisers,” I’d say it’s average or slightly higher.

http://annyeongkate.blogspot.com Kate

Old Style. So bad it’s good.
http://evaholland.com Eva

I second Old Style. Also Old Milwaukee. Or do I mean Milwaukee’s Best? Maybe both? I have hideous high school memories that feature the word “Milwaukee” on cans and bottles.
http://waywardlife.posterous.com/ Tom Gates

Let’s talk about Schlitz. Let’s just.
http://www.sarah-park.com Sarah

Boy oh boy do I have some suggestions. Budweiser makes this Frankenstein-in-a-
can called a Chelada. I thought there was nothing I hated more than watching an alcoholic product go to waste, but I was wrong. I hate the Chelada more.

I’d also not mind if I never had to drink a Mickey’s ever again. Or an Olde English. Oh yeah, and how about Bud Lime??? Um, if I wanted lime with my beer, I’d just have a lime with my beer.

Other than that, I’ll pretty much drink anything as long as it’s cold.

http://matadortrips.com/ Hal Amen

Sarah, Tom beat me to the Chelada: http://matadornights.com/downing-budweisers-unfathomable-tomato-beer-and-clam-chelada/

I think I’m going to steer clear of the flavored stuff–sticking to the basics. I hadn’t thought about the malt liquor track, though. Will have to ponder on that.

http://www.travelmuse.com Jessica Skelton

My vote has got to be for King Cobra. But Steel Reserve comes in a close second; especially for that hilarious description of it. lol!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.carolinanomad.com Spencer Spellman

King Cobra is pretty bad, but I gotta agree with Tom and throw in Schlitz
jkiel

Anything made by Coors. Plus, their politics are incredibly offensive.
mason in mississippi

Miller Chill
PBR

http://abbiemood.com Abbie

ditto with PBR

http://twitter.com/nicoleATorres Nicole

Schlitz, for sure! For some reason my grandpa LOVES it! Same with Old Style… the only time it’s appropriate to drink that piss in a cup is at Wrigley Field, and even then – I have one (“for tradition’s sake”).

If you have an Aldi grocery store near you whatever off brand beer they sell. I had a knock off Corona from there…. let’s just say it’s a good thing everything in that store is dirt cheap!
http://www.bootsnall.com Katie Hammel

They do sell Quilmes in the US…it’s actually an Anheuser-Busch InBev brand now, along with Michelob, Natural Ice, Busch, Labatt, Rolling Rock, Corona and a ton of others.

Watch the doc “Beer Wars”. It’s a pretty interesting take on how Bud is beginning to rule the beer world, and makes me even more likely to go with smaller, local micro-brews.
John from OHIO

Gennessee Cream Ale, I love beer and will try most anything, but this was by far the worst I tried.
http://vagabonderz.com Carlo

How about Pabst? I remember downing a couple cans of the back in the day when we used to cross the border for a night out. I remember it being quite shitty.
joshua johnson

First of all American beers effing rock, or at least they do in Seattle!

the WORST has to be Sparks, the energy drink-malt liquoer hybrids that plague the 7-11′s.
http://www.flyingmullet.blogspot.com/ Eva

Schlitz
Milwaukee Beast
Natty Ice
Colt 45
Mickey’s
Busch
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http://airportbars.com/ AirportBars.com

Steel Reserve for sure… that stuff is brutal. Cheers!
http://itchyfoot.tumblr.com Sara C.

Natty Lite.

Though my first horrible beer drinking experience was Molson (or maybe some variety like Molson Ice or Molson Light?). It was my first year of college. The dudes who knew the 21 year old pulled up with a case of Molson, warm. Ew. Just, ew. I thought I hated beer for at least a year or two after that.
Joseph

Cave Creek Chile Beer tastes like drinking the liquid from a jar of jalepenos…..
PBR would be a strong second place
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Courtney

strawberry kiwi evil eye, the alcohol content may make it worthwhile but it taste like a thousand liquified jolly ranchers
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Matador’s ‘best worst beer’ experiment

And to do this, we need your help. We want to hear your nominations for the “best worst beer” our nation has to offer.

Got it? So let’s hear it! Leave your nomination (or five) in the comments section below.

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Hal Amen

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