1. Your name has been officially changed to güey.
Sometimes your friend will call you by other friendly nicknames like cabrón and puto, but your real name is reserved for extraordinary situations. Even then it’ll always be followed by güey, puto, cabrón in every combination possible. It’s good you no longer consider these words to be insults.
2. You’ve gone through really strong emotional moments…that only you remember.
After several shots of mezcal he has probably confessed how much he loves you, that you’re like a brother / sister to him, that he’ll give his life for you without second thoughts, and that he has a crush on your sister. These confessions will normally precede unconsciousness and the light of a new day will erase them forever.
3. You no longer worry about germs.
It probably surprised you the first time he helped himself to your plate, took a long sip from your soda, or a good bite out of your sandwich. Please don’t get mad at him…or he’ll keep doing it just to annoy you.
4. Your meetings don’t need a lot of fine tuning.
You have lots of usual places where you commonly meet. This is the reason why expressions such as “Let’s meet in downtown in an hour” or “See you near the plaza at five” make perfect sense without further details (just like in the movies). Try being so simplistic with anyone else.
5. Su casa es tu casa…but your fridge has become his own.
Your friend has that warm sense of hospitality Mexicans are well known for, and you know his door will never be locked for you. In exchange, he’s expecting you to keep your fridge fully stocked with beers and snacks for whenever he decides to pay you a visit.
6. You’ll find that his place is the best place to look for your missing belongings.
Where’s the politeness in asking to borrow something? A true Mexican friend will simply let you know he’s decided to take some of your stuff home with him. All those records, books, video games, and DVDs you know you had, but are nowhere to be found, are probably abandoned in some corner of his apartment. Don’t question him, as he’s probably forgotten he took them. It’s better if you just take a trip to his place and reclaim what’s yours.
7. You’ll learn there’s no such thing as “no pun intended.”
Mexicans have a very special way of punning and it’s always intentional. Albur is a word game commonly played among friends, where everyday words suddenly acquire a sexual connotation and are used to put your friend in some uncomfortable position. Amazing as it may sound, some people in Mexico do this professionally! Chances are that if your Mexican friend is giving you Spanish lessons, you’re already learning albur…even if you’re not aware of it.
8. You know this guy can be trusted.
A normal Mexican friend will avoid saying no to anything, fearing he’ll hurt your feelings, but you’ll soon realize how easily your best friend will tell you that your plans are complete bullshit and how he’d rather stay home doing nothing. All that frustration regarding sincerity has to come out against someone!
9. You know you need to settle up, but it’s not something you should really worry about.
He’s lent and borrowed money quite a few times. Settling sounds like a good practice, but you know you’ll eventually square up with drinks, pizza, movie tickets, or whatever comes by.
10. You’ll always celebrate your birthday in the right and proper way.
Not wanting to celebrate your birthday this year is completely out of the question. If the date is coming close and you haven’t planned anything, your friend will do it for you (probably without telling you). At some point in the celebration he’ll insist in singing you Las Mañanitas, because one birthday song is never enough.
11. You know he’ll never learn how to ring the bell.
Crying out your name in the middle of the street, throwing pebbles at your window, honking like a wildman and whistling a little tune he made up especially for this occasion…they’re all perfectly reasonable ways for him to announce his arrival. He could also leave you a missed call, but where’s the originality in that?
12. His family knows (and calls you) by your nickname.
There’s so much trust between you and your friend’s family that they aren’t ashamed to call you by that strange nickname he invented for you. If you’re even a little bit blonde, there’s a strong possibility you’ll be referred to as el güero or la güera.
13. You know you’ll always have a shoulder to lean on.
It doesn’t matter if you meet every leap year…you know he’ll be with you through thick and thin because he’s completely sincere and you’ll forever be carnales.