1.

A normal friend will always be respectful.
An Aussie friend will affectionately call you a bastard, dickhead, or whatever their particularly favorite derogatory term might be.

2.

A normal friend might show some concern if this is your third night in a row drinking a six-pack.
An Aussie friend will gladly sit along and drink with you at any time of day.

3.

A normal friend would never think to pay you off with alcohol.
An Aussie friend will give you a tipple for any small favor you perform for them. Helping a friend move will at least garner a six pack or a slab.

4.

A normal friend will whip you up something to eat when you’re feeling bad.
An Aussie friend will whip you up something surprisingly simple and delicious and serve it with a “cuppa” or a glass of red wine.

5.

A normal friend always says “thank you.”
An Aussie friend never says “thank you.” They might say “ta.” But how good of a friend can you be if you have to be polite?

6.

A normal friend will say “excuse me.”
An Aussie friend will say “pardon me” or “beg yours.”

7.

A normal friend will call you by your preferred name.
An Aussie friend will shorten your name or add an ‘o’ to the end of it, whether you like it or not.

8.

A normal friend will cancel an appointment.
An Aussie friend will pike.

9.

A normal friend will recommend some fast food.
An Aussie friend will recommend a local independent takeaway or something cheap and cheerful.

10.

A normal friend will ask if you’re serious.
An Aussie friend will say “you’re dreamin’.”

11.

A normal friend will ask if you’re sick if you take a day off from work.
An Aussie friend will ask you if the surf was good after “chucking a sickie.”

12.

A normal friend has their own personal comfort food.
An Aussie friend has Vegemite and toast.

13.

A normal friend will tell you which state they’re from.
An Aussie friend will say they’re from ‘Straya (unless they’re from Sydney or Melbourne).

14.

A normal friend will build your confidence and nurture your self-esteem.
An Aussie friend will cut you down like a tall poppy in the wind.