1. You will become a walking contradiction.
Portenos are walking contradictions, constructed from a fabric that only those who spend a certain amount of time in the city will understand. And it rubs off. After two years you will be a lean, mean, exercising machine, but will smoke like a chimney straight after your workout. You will stay out until seven in the morning on a Saturday having nursed one Fernet and Coke for the whole night. You will be in a ‘committed’ relationship, but anyone who takes your fancy is still fair game. The only thing thing that is not to be trifled with is your dedication to your football team. Faltering on that is akin to treason.