YOU WILL HEAR THE ANGER: I don’t give a dick! Go up a rectum! But you are really a cretin. What a turd you are! I could kill you! Go give two blow jobs! You have truly broken my dick. Go take a shit! I couldn’t give a cauliflower!
And you will see the anger, both in the eyes and in the hands. Hands will shake. Fingertips will graze the underside of a chin. Thumbs will be raked across throats. Palms will slap biceps. Index fingers and thumbs will form Ls and hover above the hips to indicate just how large your ass will grow from the smacking you will get.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if they’re actually angry or just really, really happy to see you. Either way, here’s how to get Italians to go from merely excitable to downright incazzato.