1. You’re highly trained in the art of garrafón lifting.
Next time you open the tap to get a glass of water, think about how easy that is compared to maneuvering a twenty-litre water bottle.
2. Even if you’re a self-proclaimed anarchist…
You respect the maximum authority in Mexico… and that’s your mom.
3. You have payed to receive electric shocks.
“Toques, toques, toques.”
4. You’ve been told to fear the “evil eye”.
But you know that such evils have nothing to do against the ultimate powers of a red thread. The same infamous red thread that cures hiccups, indigestion, and protects your unborn child.
5. But you know that even the red thread can’t save us from our greatest fear…
Watching La Selección being eliminated in penalty rounds…again.
6. Where everyone else sees people… you see güeyes.
7. You don’t have the least idea how corn on the cob tastes like…
Because you always eat it in its street stall presentation: full of mayonnaise, lime, chili, cheese, salt, and more chili (the spicy one please).
8. You have your share of photos dancing at a quinceañera party.
Maybe as a guest, maybe as a chambelán, or maybe as the quinceañera herself. No matter what, you fear the day when photos of that day will start showing up on Facebook… and that day will come.
9. Your speech is overcrowded with words finishing in “ito” or “ita”.
Yes, your use of diminutives is way higher than average. Momentito, por favor.
10. You never use your oven.
And you have always wondered where does people who actually use their ovens keep their whole kitchenware.
11. You have slept several times under the comfort of a San Marcos blanket.
Yes, the one with a family of lions portrayed on it.
12. Love it or hate it…
But you have seen several Pedro Infante movies and can even quote some of his characters. “Amorcito corazón, yo tengo tentación de un beso…”
13. Where the rest of the world sees Mayans and Aztecs…
You see Mixtecs, Zapotecs, Tzotzils, Mazatecs, Huicholes, Olmecs, Otomis, Totonacs, Purepechas… and you prefer the name Mexicas rather than Aztecs.
14. You know your tortillas…
You can clearly distinguish between freshly made and pre-packed, you know there’s a difference in taste between blue corn and normal corn, you also know that both sides of the tortilla are completely different, and have learned to leave the top tortilla as a natural heat maintaining device. Oh yes, there’s science behind tortillas.
15. It doesn’t matter how long and far you have traveled across Mexico…
It’s quite likely that you’ve never ventured past the Guatemalan border.
16. You know there’s nothing better for a cold morning outside…
Than having a cup of atole or café de olla.
17. You’ve been forced to clean beans or rice at least once…
And you know there’s something strangely soothing about it.
18. You were raised on sopa aguada.
And even though every variety tastes exactly the same, you had a favorite among fideos, munición, estrellitas, and letras.
19. You know there’s a difference between Mexico and… Mexico.
This is quite confusing for foreigners who are visiting Mexico for the first time. Mexicans normally refer to Mexico City simply as Mexico, so it’s possible to be in Mexico and take a bus that’s headed to Mexico. Want to complicate things a little further? There’s also a state called Mexico in the central part of the country… and no, it’s not the same as Mexico City.
20. You know at least five types of chiles by name…
And you clearly distinguish their flavors too.
21. Your horizons are made of mountains.
México has more mountain ranges than chili varieties. Wherever you look you’re gonna be confronted by some big ass mountains with some more big ass mountains behind…unless you live in the Yucatán península, which is flat as a pancake.
22. You know the best hangover foods in the world…
Chilaquiles, pancita, birria, consome and every single kind of salsa covered eggs. If that doesn’t help… you always have the michelada option.
23. You know the National Anthem by heart…
But also the Noa Noa… Juanga is the shit!
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