1. “YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE THE LEAST about Graeter’s? The size of the chocolate chips. Ugh, tone it down, am I right?”
2. ”Go Blue.”
3. ”No Cincinnati chili for me, thanks.”
4. “Skyline, Gold Star… they all taste the same to me.”
5. “We’re basically the South.”
6. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who’s worked for P&G before!”
7. “It’s not really fall until I do the Funky Chicken Dance at Cincinnati’s Oktoberfest.”
8. “I support both Ohio football teams equally.”
9. “Pete Rose got what he deserved. No Hall of Fame: not now, not ever.”
10. “No goetta for me, please.”
11. “I’m sorry, ‘goetta room’ just isn’t a funny pun to me.”
12. “You know, I always hear about conservatives dominating talk radio, but maybe we just don’t get them out here.”
13. “If I had to pick between swimming in the Ohio or the Cuyahoga, I’ll pick the Cuyahoga every time. On fire or not.”
14. “I wonder if I’ll get to meet any canvassers this election?”
15. “Look, if putting a toll on a bridge or a road is what it takes to keep it from falling apart, I am all for it.”
16. “Hey, don’t worry about that chemical spill, West Virginia. It happens to the best of us.”
17. “I think I’d rather drive the four hours to Cedar Point than go to Kings Island.”
18. “The rent is too damn high!”
19. “Really? We were the first refuge for slaves on the Underground Railroad running away from the South? I’ve totally never brought that up while bragging about my state.”
20. “Absolutely I’ve taken the time to go to the Underground Railroad Freedom Center. I went there as soon as it opened.”
21. “CVG is really a Kentucky airport.”
22. “The Creation Museum is really an Ohio museum.”
23. “Hmm? No. I’ve never once screamed like a goddamn lunatic when a cicada flew blindly into my hair.”
24. “Marge Schott was misunderstood in her time.”
25. “Who needs a car anymore?”
26. “You know what I wish? I wish there were reminders about the reality of Hell on more public highways.”
27. “Of all of the beer nationalities, German is my least favorite.”
28. “Does beer even come in liters?”
29. “Cincinnati is the exact same now as it was 10 years ago.”
30. “I’ve never been disappointed by the Bengals.”
31. “Let’s be real: Bob Huggins best work was at West Virginia.”
32. “That Bob Huggins, though: Class act, am I right?”
33. “Okay guys, quick question: Where’s the best place in the state to celebrate Halloween?”
34. “Best baseball team ever? ‘98 Yankees. Without a doubt.”
35. “I love deer!”
36. “The birthplace of flight? North Carolina, obviously.”